How Do You Feel About Dinosaurs?
by jbn42
Summary: She's slowly losing herself as she slogs away at a desk job, questioning her decision to stay in the military, when he shows up and offers her an adventure.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Pre-Series, pre-first pilgrimage set up. Same context as my other stories, so this is basically a prequel to my story _118 Days Later_.

**Disclaimer is as usual – no profit, not mine, just borrowing.**

_The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure._- Joseph Campbell

"Corporal Washington!" Alicia looks up sharply, eyeing her current C.O. He's a lieutenant here at the supply depot where she is assigned, and he's the worst kind of pencil pusher – the kind who _enjoys _pushing the pencils.

Internally, she feels like heaving a sigh and literally walking away, but her face, as usual, betrays nothing. "Yes, sir?" God, she hates calling this man "sir."

"Are the requisition form summaries complete?" The man, three inches shorter than her and reed thin, attempts to appear intimidating. He fails miserably.

She levels a hard look at him. "Yes, sir. They're in your inbox, have been since zero nine hundred. Yesterday."

The man looks to be, temporarily at least, at a loss. Then, he huffs out a breath. "Thank you, Corporal. Carry on."

"With what?" Alicia thinks, this time sighing out loud as her C.O. disappears. She can't take this much longer.

Her body is now healed from her near-fatal shooting, and she's still riding a desk. She has put in for every field position she can think of, sniper, scout, medic, to no avail. Even though she has passed all of her quals and evals, no one seems willing to take her on. Sixteen months and change out from that day in Somalia, and she is mired in bureaucratic hell, a munitions and supply depot.

Her job these days is entirely safe and predictable, or at least as safe as living with their toxic environment can be. But as safe as she is, she feels like her soul, her spirit is dying, and she has no idea how to get out of this place.

She had no problem taking this position eight months ago. Back then, she was not long out of PT, barely cleared for light duty. Now, she's physically one hundred percent, but seemingly stuck in this dead-end job. She sighs again. She's due a break, so she stands up and heads up to the roof of the building.

She puts on her rebreather as she steps out onto the roof, a cold breeze hitting her in the face. It's quiet up here, and it's always deserted. She walks over to the wall, sinking down with her back against it, drawing her knees to her chest. After a moment, she pulls out her dog tags, pressing a small button on them.

Instantly, a picture set pops up, and she begins to scroll through them, smirking at the thought that a rule follower like her actually hacked her tags. She lands on a picture of their unit, just a few days before Alicia's last disastrous day in Somalia, the day that left ninety percent of their unit dead. She scrolls to the next photo. It's of her and Commander Nathaniel Taylor, both of them doused in some sort of mud, both of them laughing.

She stares at the picture, thinking about the Commander. When his wife and son, Ayani and Lucas, were taken in Somalia, he'd gone after them. It was the same day Alicia nearly died in an ambush, overrun by insurgent guerrillas. It was weeks before she saw Commander Taylor again, and that was at Ayani's funeral back here in the states.

Alicia had taken three bullets to the torso, one to her abdomen and two to her chest, one just an inch or so above her heart. When she found out about the funeral, she called the only other surviving members of their unit. The two of them, both now re-deployed to one war zone or another, showed up at the hospital with her dress uniform and a wheelchair.

Ignoring the protests of the medical staff, they got her dressed, into the chair and, from there, into a waiting car. She'd hated having to use the wheelchair, but at that point, she was barely strong enough to even stand up. Walking was nearly impossible.

They'd wheeled her up to the graveside service just before it started, and she saw Nathaniel and Lucas sitting in the front row, Nathaniel, looking shell-shocked, sitting on the end. Lucas was next to him, and his appearance was disheveled and angry, so different from the child Alicia had known for over six years by then. As much as she'd been worried about Lucas, though, her focus was on Nathaniel.

The guys somehow knew that, and before she could protest, they pushed her chair up next to Nathaniel's. They disappeared into the back rows, leaving her there. At first, she thought Nathaniel didn't know it was her, but then his hand snaked out and took hers, clinging to it with a death grip. He held her hand for the duration of the service. They'd spoken briefly afterwards, but her energy was gone, her listing in her chair, unable to sit up straight.

Other than an occasional note and one brief visit before she started PT, she hasn't heard from him since. Even though it shouldn't, that makes her heart hurt. She knows he needs time to grieve, but above all else, he is her friend. She's also heard rumors of a rift with Lucas, something that also bothers her.

She scrolls to the last photo on her tags, one taken the last Christmas before everything went to hell. For years, Alicia spent leave and holidays with the Taylors. They knew she didn't have a family left, and Nathaniel just dragged her home with him. Over the course of those leaves and holidays, Alicia became close friends with Ayani. They were as different as night and day, but they were somehow on the same wavelength. In Ayani, Alicia found the older sister she'd never had.

Alicia stares at the photo, one of her and Ayani that last Christmas. Her heart aches for Nathaniel and Lucas, but she'd be lying if she said it didn't ache for herself as well. For the second time, her family is apparently gone.

She closes the picture file and pockets her tags, knowing she should get back to her desk. But she stays where she is, suddenly less-than-concerned about what she _should _do. Over the last few months, she's gotten calls about private contracting jobs, consulting work on a variety of things related to her military service.

She has, until now, blown off all of those calls. Maybe it's time, though, to listen to them. She really has no desire to resign her commission, but she knows she can't do this desk work forever. It's killing her just as surely as those bullets should have.

Shaking her head and realizing that she needs to make a decision soon, she pushes herself up to her feet. As she heads back downstairs, she mentally draws a line in the sand – if she doesn't get moved back into the field in the next four weeks, she's going to find a new job, one outside of the service.

As she re-enters the floor her cubicle is on, she is startled by a voice. "There you are Corporal, ma'am! You have a visitor, he's waiting for you in the lieutenant's office!" She turns to see one of the young privates who works in the office, clearly waiting for her to return.

She nods quickly. "Thank you, Private. Dismissed."

The young woman salutes and leaves, and Alicia heads for the lieutenant's office. When she gets there, the door stands open, and she can see that the lieutenant is talking to someone seated in front of him. She can also see that the lieutenant looks terrified. She knocks lightly on the door frame. "I was told there's someone here to see me, sir?"

The voice that replies is the last voice she expected to hear. Instead of the lieutenant's nervous, slightly high-pitched voice, she hears a low drawl, almost a growl. "That there is, Wash."

Knowing exactly who it is and yet not quite believing it, she turns quickly, automatically going to attention and saluting as she does. "Commander Taylor, sir."

He arches an eyebrow at her formality, and her eyes immediately stray to the lieutenant at the desk. A light appears to go on over Nathaniel's head, and he nods. "Lieutenant," he turns to her C.O., "May I borrow your office for a moment to speak with the corporal? I'd be much obliged."

The man blinks in surprise, and then he stammers, "Of course, sir. Take as long as you need," before bolting from the room, closing the door behind him.

Nathaniel chuckles lightly, but Alicia stays at attention, honestly not knowing what to expect. He frowns a little, standing up and walking over to her. "Jesus, Wash, at ease." She goes to parade rest, turning her eyes up to meet his. She's surprised to see affection there, and she's even more surprised to see something akin to fear in them. "You look good, Wash. A lot better than when I saw you in the hospital before they moved you to the rehab facility."

Before she can stop them, words come tumbling from her mouth. "I sure as hell hope I look better, sir, since that was over a year ago." She hates herself for the hurt she hears in her voice, but, if nothing else, at least it's honest. She knows that in that sentence, between her words and tone, she told him just how bad the last year has been.

He flinches, and he looks down briefly. She wonders if she stepped over a line just now. If she did, she can't be too sorry, as it's a line that was never there before, one she didn't know she needed to beware of. But his response, spoken in a low, soft voice, surprises her.

"I'm sorry, Wash. I'm sorry I disappeared on you. You deserved better than that from me. I just couldn't," he pauses, swallowing hard, and she can see him struggling for the right words, something unusual for him. His voice drops even lower. "I was just lost for a bit. Still am somewhat, but I'm starting to see daylight. But that's no excuse for dropping out when you didn't have anyone else. That's no excuse for you having to go through the hell you went through alone."

He looks up at her, and he looks so distraught, so remorseful, that any hurt she felt disintegrates in an instant. She takes a deep breath, deciding to take a shot in the dark. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

He gives her a crooked, half-smile. "Always, Wash."

She can't help her slight blush at that, but she mentally brushes the minor self-consciousness away, focusing instead on her intended action towards him. It's one almost entirely out of character for her, and if her earlier words stepped over a line, this will clear the line and then some, leaving it behind in the dust.

He looks at her expectantly, but instead of saying something, she steps closer to him. After a brief moment's hesitation, she simply wraps her arms around his waist, hugging him close to her and resting her head on his shoulder.

At first, he tenses. A few moments pass, and she begins to think she might've made a huge miscalculation. But then, he expels a breath and his arms wrap tight around her, holding her so tight to him that it's actually a little difficult to breathe. She's not sure how long they stand there like that, clinging to each other as if their lives depend on it, before he whispers, "Thank you, Alicia."

She turns her head to look up at him, confused. "For what?"

"Forgiving me."

She knows she could be a smart ass here, give him a harder time, but his gratitude is almost palpable. Instead, she smiles. "Always, sir."

He chuckles, squeezing her even tighter for a moment before releasing her and stepping back, probably realizing that the lieutenant will likely want his office back soon. Ignoring the slight awkwardness of the moment, he clears his throat. "So, I actually came here for more than a hug, Wash."

She snorts, glad that things seem to be normalizing between them. "Do tell, sir."

"I have something to give you and something to offer you." He grins at her.

"OK…" She furrows her brow at him, giving him an unsure smile.

He turns to where he'd been sitting, and he picks up a small messenger bag style briefcase. He pulls an envelope from it and hands it to her, nodding at her to open it. She does, her brow still furrowed in confusion. Within seconds after opening the envelope and starting to read the letter inside, the confusion turns to shock. She looks up at him. "Sir?"

His grin is even wider now. "Congratulations, Lieutenant Washington. And I'm sorry the idiots in charge failed to follow my recommendation sooner."

"Your recommendation?"

He nods. "I put in for your promotion back in Somalia. When I found out it had been languishing and that you were stuck here, I went a little nuts on them at command. They weren't surprised though. They all already think I'm crazy. Which brings me to my offer."

"If it's a post in the field, the answer is yes." She doesn't care what it is, she just wants to get the hell out of this place.

He lifts an eyebrow at her. "It's something of an adventure, Wash. And how it will turn out is completely up in the air."

She rolls her eyes. "So, just one of our regular missions, then?"

He laughs, but at the same time, he shakes his head. "Not exactly."

She's starting to get impatient. "Well, spit it out, sir."

His grin returns. "Tell me, Wash – how do you feel about dinosaurs?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Pre-Series, pre-first pilgrimage set up. Same context as my other stories, so this is basically a prequel to my story _118 Days Later_. This one's really talky - but it pretty much needed to be!

**Disclaimer is as usual – no profit, not mine, just borrowing.**

After his cryptic question, Nathaniel asked her to go to dinner. She grabbed her things without hesitation. As she literally cleaned out her desk into her small backpack, Nathaniel apologized to her lieutenant for stealing her for another assignment. The man looked irritated for a brief moment, but considering that Alicia was now the same rank and that she was being "stolen" by a commander, her now-former C.O. had no real say in the matter.

If he'd tried to push back, he'd have failed. Alicia laughed when Nathaniel handed over her new orders as they left the depot. "You were pretty sure I'd say yes, weren't you?"

He'd given her something between a smile and a serious look. "Yes, if only because I knew you were probably losing your mind at that desk."

A couple of hours later, they've had an early dinner and are both now nursing a glass of scotch in the quiet corner of the restaurant's bar. Their booth gives them enough privacy to discuss why Nathaniel wanted her opinion of dinosaurs, and the scotch makes it slightly easier to process. He likely realized the alcohol was necessary when she asked, "Are you shitting me?" the fourth time.

She's now swirling the amber liquid in her glass, staring at the fingers it leaves as she does. Her mind is racing with everything he just told her. She still has dozens of questions, but she realizes there's only one that really matters. "_Why_, sir?"

He sighs. "It's complicated, Wash."

"That's a cop out, sir, for people who either don't have a straight answer or are uncomfortable with the answer they have." She levels him with a look over the rim of her glass.

"Alicia…"

"Sir, Alicia-ing me is not going to make me back down."

He arches an eyebrow. "Honestly, I'm just Alicia-ing you because when we were home on leave, we were always Alicia and Nathaniel. And for the record, starting the sentence with 'sir' doesn't diminish the fact that this is getting somewhat insubordinate."

"Only somewhat?" She sighs dramatically. "I must be losing my touch, _Nathaniel_."

He snorts out a laugh. "I forgot how sassy you can get when you drink." She just keeps her eyes on him. "In all fairness, it actually _is _complicated. There's a lot to it, Alicia, but the biggest parts are that Ayani would have loved the idea and that Lucas wants to go."

She blinks in surprise at that. "I heard that there was a falling out. What's going on, and on this, you can tell me to mind my own business, you know?"

He shakes his head. "It's OK, and but that it was only a falling out. I'm hoping we can rebuild our relationship. I've been trying, and I feel as though there has been at least a little progress. Only time will tell, of course. He's at school. Started college classes this fall. He's young, but education-wise, he's eons ahead of kids his age. Emotionally, well, that's another story."

She nods. "It's fuzzy, but I seem to recall that he looked angry and pretty messed up at Ayani's funeral."

He runs a hand through his hair, and he leans forward, towards her. "Angry is a good word for him, no question." He pauses. "I never thanked you for that."

She looks puzzled. "For what?"

"For coming to the funeral. I was adrift, and then suddenly, you were there. I've never been so relieved to just hold someone's hand before." He looks down at his hands as he speaks, clenching and unclenching his fists, and then he looks back up at her. "When I thought about it later, I admit I was surprised that your doctors let you go."

"They didn't."

"What does that mean?" It's his turn to look confused.

She shoots him a slightly sheepish look. "I'd heard about the service coming up, so I called Skip and Charlie. They were still stateside, so they showed up at the hospital with a wheelchair and my uniform. I left AMA. I had to use the chair because I couldn't actually stand up at that point. I literally had no strength or stamina at all."

"Damn it, Alicia. You jeopardized your recovery, possibly your life? What the hell were you thinking?" He bristles, looking downright infuriated.

She frowns, squaring her shoulders defensively. "I was thinking that my family, the only family I had left, needed me." He visibly deflates at that, and she realizes how she that might have sounded. She softens her tone. "That's not an indictment, Nathaniel. I wasn't kidding earlier. You're already forgiven."

He gives her a half-hearted smile. "I shouldn't be, Alicia. I personally think what I did was pretty unforgiveable."

After her eyes quickly sweep the bar for any other military within sight, she reaches out across the table and takes his hand in hers. "Nathaniel, I won't pretend that I didn't spend a lot of time hurt and feeling sorry for myself. I _did _spend a lot of time that way. But I also spent a lot of time worried about the two of you. I can't imagine what you went through, and I tried to cut you a lot of slack over that."

He entwines their fingers, and she takes a deep breath at the small action. "Alicia, you're a lot kinder to me than I deserve. Regardless of what I was going through, I owed you a lot more than I gave you. I treated you like family for nearly eight years. Then, when you needed me the most, I was just…_not _there."

She squeezes his hand, anxious to push him out of his sudden dark mood. "Well, you're here now, and you just saved me from that bureaucratic nightmare of a job. That makes up for a lot." He cracks a small smile at that, and she goes on, "I mean, I spent the last few months applying for every open field position I could find, and nothing."

He looks up at her. "I saw that, and that's a little bit my fault too, though indirectly."

She shoots him a quizzical look. "What does that mean?"

"I couldn't understand why no one had snapped you up. Turns out, according to the folks I asked, they all figured I'd be back for you, and no one wanted to have to deal with me pissed off at them because they stole my best soldier." He gets a guilty smile on his face. "I swear it was all them, Alicia. I didn't have any sort of edict out there. But, selfishly, I have to admit I was relieved when I saw where you were. I knew I would have an easy time getting you to leave. How the hell did you end up there in the first place?"

She shrugs, releasing his hand, and reaching for her drink, mentally filing away the surprising flash of disappointment on his face when she pulled her hand away. "I didn't have many choices. I was done with PT, but while I was…_repaired_, I wasn't _recovered_. I was at maybe sixty percent of strength and speed. I took the desk job, but I've spent every night and weekend at the gym and practice ranges. I've probably only been back to normal for about three months."

He sighs and looks down at the table top. "Damn. Another thing I would've known if I'd been man enough to be here for you."

"Stop it, Nathaniel." He looks up at her, surprised by her sharp tone. Her eyes, trained on him, are hard. "I know you're already beating yourself up, daily if not more frequently, about Ayani and Lucas. Consider this my notice that you are not allowed to wallow over me too. I'm fine, and yes, it was a hard year, but I'd submit that having to see what you saw and having to make the choice that you made was a hell of a lot worse than my PT. Going through it alone sucked, but if every conversation we have for the next God-knows-how-long is going to find its way back to your guilt over _me_, then I'm going to tell you to take your damned dinosaurs and shove them up your ass."

He blinks in surprise at her speech. After a moment, though, he breaks out in a grin and begins to snicker, making her get a confused look on her face. As he begins to laugh in earnest, he manages to choke out, "You know, Wash, some of those dinos are goddamned spiky."

That makes her huff out a laugh herself, and they both take a moment to laugh hard at the image. After the last year, it's a laugh they probably both need. When they catch their breath, he reaches over and brushes an errant lock of hair, escaped from her ponytail, out of her eyes. He then cups her face with his hand, and brushing his thumb over her cheekbone, he says, "God, I missed you, Alicia."

She can't help but blush lightly at that, and she suddenly finds herself grateful for the dim lighting in the bar. Deciding it's time to reset the boundaries, she pats his hand with hers before leaning back and away from him. "I missed you too, Nathaniel." She reaches for her glass and takes another drink as he does the same.

He looks slightly out of sorts, and since she feels the same way, she finds it oddly reassuring. Instead of letting the moment become awkward, she steers the conversation back to work-related things. "I have a question about this new…project…Nathaniel."

He nods, looking relieved to move beyond the last moment without comment. "Fire away, Alicia."

She cocks her head at him. "Who else have you recruited? You have to have a 2IC in mind."

He furrows his brow. "Alicia, sorry if this wasn't clear. _You _will be the 2IC for this."

"What?" She gapes at him. "All due respect, but are you nuts? And how did you sell that to the brass?"

"Why would having you as my 2IC on this be nuts?" He ignores her other question.

"Sir," she can't help but slip back into titles and honoraria, "Have you forgotten that I'm not even thirty years old? There's no way they'll allow something this important to have a 2IC who they think is just a kid."

"Wash, first and foremost, you and I both know that how old you are doesn't impact how much I trust you, and it doesn't change what I know you can do. Second, part of my deal with the brass for even taking this absurd assignment is carte blanche to pick my command team." He smirks at her. "Anyway, we won't go until probably '42. You'll _almost _be thirty by then."

She rolls her eyes at that, letting the issue go for now. "Who else are you considering?"

"Guzman for head of security. That's as far as I've gotten. I need your input on everyone else." He looks up and sees the bar begin to fill up. "Let's get out of here. I'll give you a lift home."

She nods, and after they both toss a few bills on the table, him knowing better than to try to insist on paying for her, they leave. As they step outside, they both slip on their rebreathers, and they drop into a distantly familiar companionable silence. She tries to shoulder her backpack, but he takes it and carries it for her, earning himself a glare that he clearly ignores.

Once they're in his car, they remove the rebreathers again. She tells him her address, even though she knows he certainly already has it programmed into the nav system. "Where are we going to be setting up ops?"

He laughs. "Believe it or not, the portal is in Chicago. But especially this first year, we'll be back and forth between there and DC a lot."

"We're going to have to do the political thing, aren't we?" She manages to make it sound like a death sentence, but to her, it kind of is. She can't honestly imagine much of anything that she is less comfortable with.

"Afraid so, Lieutenant. But Guz is actually pretty good at the game, and I can manage. Hopefully you can just stand there and look…"

She cuts him off, irritated. "If you say pretty, I'll gut you, and you know it."

He laughs again. "I was going to say 'intimidating.'"

She sits back, mollified. "I can live with that."

They pull up in front of the small apartment building where she has been living for the last ten months. "So, I'll be back here to help you pack up at zero-eight-hundred. I'll pick up breakfast if you'll make the coffee."

"Sounds good." Before she gets out of the car, she turns to look at him. "Nathaniel?" His eyes meet hers, and she can tell he has an idea of what she wants to ask. "What have you been doing for the last year?"

He shrugs a little. "They assigned me a desk, too, but I've been drifting, mostly. Sold the old apartment. Every square inch of it reminded me of her and how she died. Got a smaller place, still with room for Lucas, of course, but I haven't seen him since school started. I just traveled a bit, did some volunteering in places that needed help – and not what you're thinking – it wasn't military – it was with things like building schools and such."

He looks out the windshield at the hazy evening sky. "I was running, from her, from Lucas, from Somalia. Even from you and what happened to our unit. For the first few months, I couldn't close my eyes without seeing those last moments, hearing her screaming. After that, I slowly started to get better. Could go a night here and there without a nightmare. Two months ago, the brass called me, told me about this crazy idea." He looks at her. "And here I am."

"Nathaniel, I…"

This time, he cuts her off. "Don't tell me you're sorry, Alicia."

"I wasn't going to. I was going to say I miss her. I've lost count of how many times I opened up a plex window to write her about something before I remembered." She looks out the window.

He's silent for a moment. "I sometimes forget that she was your best friend, wasn't she?"

She looks up at him, a funny expression on her face. "No, Nathaniel, she wasn't. She was number two, no question, but not my best friend."

"What do you mean? Who…" He looks genuinely confused.

She leans forward, dropping a kiss on his cheek and cupping his face with her hand as he had done to her earlier. "Nathaniel, _you_ are my best friend. Have been since I was eighteen." He blinks in surprise, and she knows she just stunned him. "Good night, Nathaniel. I'll see you in the morning." She slips her rebreather back on, gets out of the car and heads inside, turning to see him staring after her as she enters her building.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Pre-Series, pre-first pilgrimage set up. Same context as my other stories, so this is basically a prequel to my story _118 Days Later_. There will be a small amount of perspective switching here. Time to know what he's thinking, I say!

**Disclaimer is as usual – no profit, not mine, just borrowing.**

_Five Months Later_

"You are _such _an ass!" Alicia is clearly fuming.

"Maybe so, but I'm an ass who is your C.O." Nathaniel retorts, ignoring the other person in the office with them.

She narrows her eyes at him. "You told me you needed my input on personnel, and in particular, my input on the medical staff for the first group through the portal. And now you pull rank on me because, and I quote, you 'don't want to waste a spot on an extra egghead?' Wise, certainly, knowing that we have no idea what kind of weird medical issues we could encounter. It'll be fun to try to sort that stuff out without a qualified scientist."

He stands his ground, pissed off by her sarcasm and not at all cowed by her tone or flashing eyes. "I asked for your _input_, Lieutenant. I did not say I would always follow your advice."

If possible, her eyes narrow even further. "Fine. It's after hours, and I've had enough offering of _advice _which you'll choose to ignore for today." She grabs her bag and plex, nods to the unfortunate spectator and storms out, slamming the door behind her.

After a moment of silence, Isaac Guzman, the third in command of the expedition and head of security says, "Well, that was…loud," he pauses, "She's not wrong, sir."

Nathaniel cuts his eyes at Guz. He's still heated up over Alicia pushing back on him so hard, and he's also suddenly thinking and feeling something else, something he needs to really consider. Something inspiring a different kind of heat altogether. "Maybe not, but we need to hold off before we make that kind of call. I'm already working on trying to land a military doc or two. If that happens, it'll cover her concern and meet our manpower needs."

Guz smirks. "You know, Taylor, you could've just said that. Do you really think being condescending and pissing her off was the way to go? Because I'm guessing you may be paying for that for a while, especially considering that you did it in front of me."

Nathaniel winces, knowing Guz is right. "Would it have killed you to try to haul me back a bit, Guz?"

Guz chuckles. "Sir, I've known you two for a while, and the one thing I'm certain of is that to get in the middle of one of your fights is akin to a suicide run."

"We weren't this bad in southeast Asia." Nathaniel refers to the military assignment where Nathaniel's unit was paired with the unit Guzman was in, and Guz shoots him an incredulous look.

"Taylor, you and I both know that the fireworks were legendary. And yet, no matter how pissed you both were, if anyone said anything about either of you, you two were the first to back each other up. You're so much alike that it's actually a little disturbing. She's just a sarcastic, comparatively reserved version of you. With boobs and a ponytail."

Guz picks up his plex, stowing it in his messenger bag. "At the risk of sounding a little presumptuous, sir, if you two are as close as I think you are, you need to go apologize to her." He heads for the door, pausing just before he leaves. "And considering that she's one of the best snipers I've ever known, I'd suggest being more careful in the future."

"She's not going to kill me, Guz."

"I agree, but that doesn't mean she won't remove a piece of you she decides you don't need anymore. Good night, sir."

Nathaniel nods and waves at Guz as he exits. He's glad he asked the man to be on their command team. He and Alicia have known him since he handled security for a covert op they ran about seven years back. Because of his young daughter, Guz was a little hesitant about taking the offer until Nathaniel told him she could join them on one of the later planned pilgrimages.

Rolling his shoulders in fatigue, Nathaniel thinks about Guz's words. He knows that Guz was right, that he owes Alicia an apology. But he's also thinking about something else. He's thinking something he shouldn't be – he's thinking that while he has always thought, unbeknownst to her, that Alicia is beautiful, today, pissed off at him, she was beyond beautiful.

She was magnificent. She was, to him, the sexiest thing he has ever seen. And he is head over heels in love with her.

That thought makes him feel guilty, but he knows that while he loved Ayani and loved being with her, his relationship with her was simple, based more on his adoration of her innocence and joy than on initial heat and spark. With Alicia, he feels something very, very different.

Alicia is the only woman he has ever known who is not now nor has ever been intimidated by him. Even when he first met her, back when she was not quite nineteen, she'd meet him head on, never flinching or shrinking away. He can't even say that about Ayani. After she'd known him for a while, he clearly stopped being intimidating to her, but at first, he knows he was, though not intentionally.

He loves Alicia. He knows that. Ayani loved her too – for them, when Ayani was alive and Lucas undamaged, they were all just a family. When he brought Alicia into his unit, he ended up bringing her into his family too. Ayani took the young medic under her wing, and Lucas nearly idolized her. Ayani saw her as a younger sister, Lucas as some strange hybrid of aunt, sister and partner in crime. For him, it was strange and yet completely comfortable.

He was _in _love with Ayani, but he did love Alicia, almost from the moment he met her. Ayani was the innocent, young love of his life. But, if such a thing truly exists, Alicia is his soul mate. He sighs, running a hand through his hair. He thinks, on some level, that Ayani knew that – and clearly, from her essential adoption of Alicia, she was fine with it. She'd known him, known that he was faithful. If Ayani was still alive, his reaction to Alicia's anger would never have happened. It's simply a line he would never have crossed, even if only mentally.

But Ayani has been gone for almost two years now. Her death still burns at him, left a changed man in its wake, but the truth is that he's finally starting to heal. Alicia, these past five months, has been a huge part of that. She is the only person he can talk to about Ayani – Lucas doesn't want to hear it, and he's not comfortable with anyone else. Just talking about her, remembering her, is helping.

In turn, Alicia has been opening up about her year after Somalia. She's talked to him about how scared she was that she wouldn't be able to get cleared for active duty again, how frustrating it was to be unable to even walk across a room without getting weak and winded.

He can tell that there are things she's holding back, but he doesn't push. He knows that she hates to show any kind of weakness, whether physical or emotional, and he also knows that she would tell him if there was anything that could potentially endanger her or the expedition team members.

They've both, for obviously different reasons, been urged to see staff psychologists. They've also both refused, politely at first, not-so-politely later. Neither of them has any interest in unloading any of their inner demons to a desk-jockey who couldn't come close to understanding.

He has two problems to face now. One is that he knows he's in love with her but has no idea how she feels about him – or, more precisely, he knows she loves him, but he has no idea if that love is just familial or if it's also romantic. The other problem is that, under the rules, even if she _is _in love with him, they can't act on it. Shaking his head, he realizes that while the latter problem should be his primary concern, it just isn't. He is far more focused on the former, the question of her feelings for him.

He looks over at her empty desk, sighing again. He realizes that he actually has a third problem, one that needs to be taken care of immediately. He needs to go talk to her, but he knows that pissed-off Wash is scary Wash. And he has no illusions – right now, he is "sir" or "Commander" and she is "Wash" or "Lieutenant." Alicia and Nathaniel aren't present for her.

And he deserves it. Guz was right. He could've just told her what he was thinking, but instead, he pushed all of her buttons and then played the "I'm in charge" card. It was juvenile, and he knows it. He puts his plex and notes into his bag and heads out.

All three of them have units in a building here, one reserved for military use. Since Lucas has made it clear that he doesn't want to spend time with him right now, Nathaniel has a one bedroom unit just like Alicia's. They're right across the hall from each other. Guz has a larger unit because of his daughter, and he is two floors down from them.

A rebreather has to be worn outside, but the building is a short walk from the project headquarters, an area tentatively named "Hope Plaza." He enters the building and takes the elevator up, dropping his bag and rebreather in his own unit before knocking on her door. He knocks again, calling, "Wash?"

When he's met with silence, he guesses that she's probably in the basement of the building. There is a gym set up down there, and if he's right, she's down there beating the living crap out of a punching bag. He goes back to his unit to change into his own workout gear, knowing that, if he can't get her to listen, this could potentially be a long, painful evening.

**WT**WT**WT**

_Half an Hour Earlier_

Alicia slams into her quarters, throwing her bag and jacket down on a chair and kicking off her boots. She goes to her refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of water. She is livid with Nathaniel, not only for being so dismissive, but for doing so in front of Guz. The last thing she needs is to be undermined by him, particularly in front of Guz, who is older and more experienced than she is while being below her in the chain of command.

Carrying her water, she goes to her bedroom, stripping off her fatigues and t-shirt and putting on her workout clothes. It's just some cropped yoga-style pants, a sports bra and a fitted tank. She puts on her trainers, grabs her water and gym bag and heads down to the gym in the basement.

After running for twenty minutes on the treadmill, she quickly tapes her hands and slips on a pair of light gloves she has for kickboxing workouts and goes to the bag. Usually, abusing the bag helps her work out aggression, but today, she finds herself getting more irritated with every kick or punch she lands to the big bag.

Strangely, the building anger actually feels good. She picks up her tempo, her anger rising along with her heart rate, until she lets loose a yell as she delivers a roundhouse kick to the bag. The bag swings wildly, and she stops for a moment to catch her breath. She hears a movement behind her, and she turns quickly to see Nathaniel standing behind her, taping his own hands.

Without a word, he passes her and steps behind the bag to hold it. She glares at him. "What do you want, Commander?"

Even though he was likely expecting it, he winces at the use of his rank. "Thought I'd find you here abusing a bag. Just want to help."

She whips off her gloves, leaving her hands taped. She walks over to her bag, his now sitting next to it. She drops her gloves and grabs her water. Turning back to him, her eyes are icy. "I don't need any help, sir. I'd prefer to be left alone."

He walks towards her, raising his hands placatingly. "Alicia…"

She lifts her hand, pointing at him. "Don't. Don't you dare, Nathaniel." He closes his mouth, and she stalks back to the bag.

"Wash, we need to talk." He must have followed, because his voice is right behind her.

She whirls on him, putting both hands on his chest and pushing him away. "No, sir. We don't. I don't have any more _advice _to offer today. Not that you'd be interested if I did. Or, are you only going to blow me off when Guz is around? Just let me know, so I can plan to offer the important stuff when we're alone."

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Alicia."

The look on his face is genuinely contrite, but, inexplicably, that actually only serves to piss her off more. "Good on you. Now, if that's all, I really want you to go away."

She turns back to the bag, and she begins to go after it again, harder and faster than before. Her hands start stinging almost immediately, due to the fact that she didn't put her gloves back on. Even worse, as she wails on the bag, she begins to feel hot tears of frustration and rage forming in her eyes. As she nails the bag with her right hand, she feels the skin of her knuckles split, and her next hit smears blood on the bag.

"Alicia!" He sounds concerned, but she ignores him, hitting this time with her left hand, splitting it open as well. She keeps going, bloodying the bag more with each hit. Suddenly, the tears spill over, and she has to swallow a small sob.

At that, Nathaniel's strong hands grasp her upper arms, stilling her movements. "Alicia, stop." She does stop, standing there breathing hard, the treacherous tears streaking her face, her hands dripping blood on the mat beneath her feet. His hands tighten on her arms. "Alicia, I was out of line. I know that. I was disrespectful to you, and I could not have handled it worse than I did."

He goes quiet, and for a moment, the only sounds in the room are their breaths and the almost inaudible drip of blood on the mat. Eventually, she speaks. "I don't care if you pull rank on me, Nathaniel. What I care about is you doing it in front of Guz."

She wrenches her arms free and turns to face him, and he cringes at the tears still on her face. "Do you have any idea how hard I have to work to be respected? To be considered worthy of my role? And it's been that way since I joined your unit. I took shit from other medics who just assumed I had slept with someone important in order to get such a high-profile assignment."

He blinks in surprise, and she goes on, "And then, the rumors got more specific. Most of them the last several years centered on the idea that I was sleeping with _you_. The first time one of those filtered back to me, I was stunned, and I was terrified they'd get to Ayani. I don't know how they never got to you, but I know the boys in the unit made it their mission in life to beat the living shit out of anyone who said anything even vaguely indicating that I didn't earn my job for real."

She angrily swipes at her tears, smearing blood on her cheek. "I have to be perfect. Do you not understand that? Now that I'm back with you, particularly as your 2IC, I have to be fucking _perfect. _If not, the rumors will start again. And what do you do? You blow me off in front of Guz. And what's worse, you do it over something that you know is supposed to be my area of expertise."

"Alicia…"

She turns and begins to hit the bag again, ignoring the screaming pain from the split skin of her hands. Between hits, she says, "I'm barely twenty-eight, and I'm 2IC of a mission to save the world. But no, I'm not under any pressure to perform here, Nathaniel. Hell, if this all fails," she delivers a vicious hit, sending more blood dripping to the floor, "At least they'll all feel as though they can blame the stupid kid who banged her C.O. to get the gig."

His arms snake around her, pulling her towards him, her back against his chest. "Please stop, Alicia." She struggles briefly against his arms before collapsing into him, sniffling and trying to hold back more tears.

"Let me go, Nathaniel." Her voice is soft now. When he doesn't loosen his arms, she whispers, "Please. If someone comes in and sees us like this, it just gets worse. Please let me go."

He quickly releases her. He stands behind her, silent; she knows he's watching her shoulders heave slightly as she composes herself. A moment later, he hands her a towel. She first uses it on her face, then she gingerly dabs at her hands, eventually having to just coil the towel around both of them in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

She hears him moving around, so she turns to see him picking up both of their bags. He looks at her and motions towards the door with his head. She nods and starts for the door, him right behind her. A few minutes later, she opens the door to her unit upstairs, and unbidden, he follows her inside. Knowing he won't leave until her hands are seen to, she sits at the table in the kitchen and murmurs, "First aid kit is under the bathroom sink."

He gets the kit and sits next to her. By the time he gets back, she has the towel off. He looks at her hands for a moment, wincing, and then he gets up and gets a small bowl from a cabinet. He fills the bowl with warm water, and he comes back to the table. He takes one hand and begins to gingerly remove the tape.

With his eyes trained on her hand, he says, "I truly am sorry Alicia, both about my behavior today and about not thinking about Guz being there. You should know that he just backed you up after you left. Basically told me that I was wrong and you deserved an apology." He sighs. "I was just in a foul mood and you were convenient. It was immature and thoughtless of me. What's worse is that I agree with you – I am trying to get a couple of military doctors on board already."

She snorts and rolls her eyes at that, and then she winces as a piece of tape holds tight to her skin. He gently pulls at it until it gives, still talking. "As for the other stuff, I wish you'd said something before, Alicia. I guess it was naïve of me, but I truly didn't know about the rumors. It's not as if we've ever been inappropriate."

"Nathaniel." He looks up and meets her eyes. "I didn't say anything because I knew you might end up on some sort of rampage over them, and then you'd have had to explain to Ayani. And honestly, the way we are with each other, so comfortable and you so willing to let me grouse at you, rank be damned, smacks of a personal relationship. People just make incorrect assumptions about the nature of the relationship."

His response is a non-committal, "Hmm," as he finishes getting the tape off of her hands. He takes a soft cloth, dips it in the warm water, and cleans the now-drying blood away from her knuckles. As he works, he holds the hand he's tending to with his left, cleaning with his right, and the thumb of his left hand gently strokes her skin.

From the look on his face, the concentration there, she knows it's unconscious, and she doesn't know what it means. What she does know is that it makes heat pool low in her stomach, and if she was confused before, she's even more confused now.

Instead of saying anything else, she just lets him work. He finishes cleaning both hands, and then he dabs antiseptic ointment on the open wounds before wrapping each hand in gauze and securing it with medical adhesive. He then looks up at her again, and a frown comes to his face. She begins to ask what's wrong when he just dips the corner of the cloth back in the water and wipes gently at her face. She realizes that she must have smeared some blood there.

He then stands, cleaning up the mess, discarding the bloodied tape and emptying the bowl of water in the sink before returning her first aid kit to her bathroom. When he returns, she is standing. He looks at the floor. "I should go, Alicia."

She nods but says quietly, "I overreacted, Nathaniel. I'm sorry about that. And I'm sorry for unloading all my insecurities about this on you. That was unfair."

He looks up, a soft expression on his face. He steps forward, hesitantly opening his arms as if he wants to hug her. She just steps into the hug, and he relaxes, pulling her to him. "Nonsense, Alicia. You can always talk to me, about this or anything else. And I promise I won't undermine you like that again. Not saying I won't disagree or piss you off, just that I won't be so dismissive."

She just nods against his shoulder. "I can live with that." She steps back, but not before he presses a firm kiss to her temple. She blushes lightly, the warmth in her belly reasserting itself. "Can I make dinner for you?"

He shakes his head. "Just make yourself something easy. I have some frozen stuff I can throw together for myself," his hand brushes a piece of hair out of her eyes, "Take the night off, Alicia."

She again blushes lightly at the gesture, something she's sure he notices this time, given the look in his eye. "OK." She walks him to the door.

He gathers his bag and then, almost unconsciously, he bends and kisses her forehead. Against her forehead, he murmurs, "Good night, Alicia. And I'm sorry again."

"Stop apologizing, Nathaniel." She smiles at him, and he gives her a small smile in return before slipping out and waving good-bye to her as he heads across the hall to his own unit.

She closes and locks her door behind him. She leans back against the door, sighing. It seems like her relationship with Nathaniel is changing, with or without her knowledge and consent. Just thinking about it makes her head spin a little.

She shakes her head and straightens up, feeling exhausted. Instead of fixing dinner, she just gets a protein bar and a bottle of water out, turning out the lights and retreating to her bedroom. As she does, she mutters to herself, "You'll figure it out later, Alicia. Bed. Now."

She curls up in her warm bed, reaching back and switching off the lights. The feel of his lips on her temple lingers, and she sighs again. Her last thought before drifting off to sleep is, "What's happening here, Nathaniel?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Pre-Series, pre-first pilgrimage set up. Same context as my other stories, so this is basically a prequel to my story _118 Days Later_. If you've read _Bells_, this is the fleshing out of the backstory in chapter two of that story.

**Disclaimer is as usual – no profit, not mine, just borrowing.**

_Six Months Later_

"General, you have got to be kidding me." Nathaniel is already starting to seethe at the orders they just received.

General Philbrick grimaces. "I wish I was, Nathaniel. They're making me deliver the orders because they figured you might take it a little better from me."

Nathaniel turns to the person standing behind him. "Guz, give us the room, and if you run into Wash, keep her out too."

"Yes, sir." His 3IC quietly slips from the office, closing the door behind him.

Nathaniel turns back to face his old mentor. "General, Lieutenant Washington is a highly decorated soldier. She's earned more medals and honors than any other medic in the last fifty years. She even has a Purple Heart. She does not deserve to be treated like this."

The general looks incredulous. "It's not a death sentence, Nathaniel. Stop being so melodramatic."

"Sir, it's disrespectful in the extreme, and I can see in your face that you know it. We know we have to make the rounds, and we know it will be one long dog and pony show, but Lieutenant Washington should not be on display like this." Nathaniel can't believe that the general can't see how bad, how offensive this is.

"Damn it, Taylor, the project funding is on the line. She may be a bad ass, but she's also an attractive,_young _woman. She's wearing a dress, and she'll deal with it. If her looking good helps us secure more funding and support, then by God, she'll look good."

"Damn it, General, she's being treated like a prostitute." Nathaniel's voice rises on every word.

"She's not expected to go to bed with anyone, Commander. And I suggest you rethink your tone. The lead senator, Senator Haley, demands this. We need support from both the government and from the private sector. If your precious lieutenant looking hot in a damned dress helps us with that, then so be it. It's not a request, Nathaniel. It's an order. If you want her to remain with the project, you will make it clear to her that this is not negotiable."

The general's face is hard, and he picks up his hat. "A female member of Haley's staff will be by tomorrow to take the lieutenant shopping. You be sure that the lieutenant is ready and that she will be cooperative." The man doesn't wait for agreement. He simply leaves, not bothering to bid Nathaniel good-bye.

"Son of a bitch!" Nathaniel is livid as he watches the door close behind his old mentor. He's contemplating putting a fist through a wall when he hears the door open again.

Before he can tell whoever it is to go the hell away, he hears, "Nathaniel? Is everything all right?"

He turns sharply, and it's Alicia standing there, a concerned expression on her face. Guz is right behind her, looking equally worried, but his concern is likely more for what Nathaniel is about to have to tell Alicia. Nathaniel nods. "Alicia, have a seat. Guz?"

Guz nods back to Nathaniel. Alicia looks at Guz in confusion, but the man just gives her a reassuring look and squeezes her shoulder. Then, he leaves, once again closing the door behind him. "Nathaniel, what is going on?"

He takes a deep breath and motions to a chair. "You really will want to sit, Alicia."

A few minutes later, she storms out, the door swinging wide behind her. Nathaniel sighs and runs a hand through his hair, leaning back against his desk. Guz reappears at the door. "Looks like that went about as well as expected, sir."

"You should have seen her face, Guz. This is ridiculous and insulting to her, and I can't stop it." Nathaniel shakes his head. "It's 2141, for God's sake. I thought this kind of chauvinistic bullshit was behind us. Apparently, it's fine for her to take bullets or run into a hail of RPG fire to help a wounded soldier, but it's not OK for her to wear a dress uniform to a damned cocktail party. She looked like she wanted to find a rock and hide. It was sheer terror. That's not our Wash, Guz."

"Sir, do you want me to go check on her?" Guz's face is clearly concerned. Alicia, though it annoys her, seems to have an innate ability to inspire the people around her to be protective. He's thought about it, and he decided that it's because she's so capable and strong all the time. On the very rare occasions when she does appear vulnerable, it's so out of character, so unusual that it's like people can't help but want to take care of her.

Nathaniel sighs. "I'll do it. Stay here and keep an eye on things."

A few minutes later, Nathaniel is outside Alicia's door. He knocks, not at all certain that she'll let him in. He hears movement on the other side of the door, and after a moment, it opens. She looks upset, but at least she's not in tears. He'll never tell her, but her tears, rare as they are, rip him up inside. She just blinks and walks away from the door, leaving it open.

He takes that as his permission to enter, so he follows her, closing the door behind him. She sinks down on the sofa, knees drawn up to her chest and arms wrapping around her legs. The position makes her look tiny to him, and the wave of protectiveness that rolls over him almost takes his breath away. Of course, she'd kill him if she knew that.

He drops onto the sofa. "I'm sorry, Alicia."

She shakes her head. "It's not your fault, Nathaniel."

"But I…"

"No. It's _not _your fault. You'd never make me do this – I get that it's something above both of our pay grades. I'll be fine. I will hate every minute of it, but I'll be fine." Her words are strong, but her voice has a slight tremor to it. "I just don't fit into that world, you know? My mom taught me manners, of course, but not this stuff. It was going to be uncomfortable enough for me in my uniform, but…"

Instead of responding, he just slides over to sit next to her. He props his feet up on the coffee table, crossing his legs at the ankle. After a moment's hesitation, he wraps an arm around her shoulders. She tenses briefly, and then she just relaxes into his side, her knees dropping towards him and her head coming to rest on his shoulder.

They're silent for a second or two before she makes him snort by muttering, "This sucks."

With those words, he knows she'll be OK, but he doesn't move away. He just squeezes her shoulders tighter and says, "That it does, Lieutenant. That it does."

**WT**WT**WT**

_One Week Later_

"Get _out_." Alicia's eyes are flashing at the woman from the senator's office. She has put up with a lot in the last week, multiple shopping trips to get a "suitable" number of dresses, all on the dime of the expedition. Then, she got dragged to nail and facial appointments. Her patience with all of this is gone.

The first of the parties is tonight, and the woman just showed up at her door again, this time for a hair appointment. When Alicia asked what exactly they intended to do, the woman explained that they need to cut her hair shorter, to take off a "few inches" to make her more "presentable." It was the last straw.

"Miss Washington, this is required." The woman attempts to look intimidating. She fails miserably.

Alicia walks over to the office door and opens it. "Ma'am, I have put up with a lot of crap this week, but I have news for you: I am _done_. There will be no more appointments and no more shopping trips."

The woman opens her mouth to argue but Alicia isn't having it. She advances on her and points to the door. "You will leave. Now. The requirement is that I go to the parties in a dress. I will do that. But you are not cutting my hair. Are we clear?"

"Miss Washington," the woman attempts to begin again.

"That's _Lieutenant _Washington, ma'am. And I think it's time for you to go." Alicia and the senator's aide both look up to see Nathaniel and Guz looming in the doorway, returning from the commissary with lunch for the three of them.

The woman blushes. "Sir, Lieutenant Washington must…"

Nathaniel crosses the room in two strides and, with a hand on her shoulder, gently propels her towards the door. "All that Lieutenant Washington must do is attend the party attired as was agreed to. She has had the patience of a saint this week, but your time is up. Good day, ma'am."

Guz nods at the woman as Nathaniel guides her out. He looks at Alicia. "Your hair? Seriously?"

Alicia huffs out a breath and rolls her eyes at Guz. "Apparently, it's not presentable and needs to be a few inches shorter."

"That woman is an idiot. Your hair is freaking amazing." Guz grins at her, leering a bit.

"Shut up, Guzman." She shoots him a mock glare.

"Play nice, kids." Nathaniel re-enters the office.

Alicia looks at him. "Please tell me that harpy is gone."

He grins. "That harpy is gone."

"Thank God." She slumps into her chair, crossing her arms on her desk and burying her face in them.

She hears boots approach her desk, but she doesn't look up. A moment later, she feels a hand playing with her long ponytail. "Why the hell did she want to chop off your hair?"

She turns her head to see Nathaniel next to her, holding up a lock of her hair. Her cheeks redden slightly, and she swallows hard and says, "She seems to think that I'm not presentable as is."

He releases her hair. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard this week, and that's saying a lot, considering how much ridiculousness has been going around."

He heads to his desk, sitting down and picking up a plex to read while he eats lunch, and Guz drops a bag on her desk. "Your sandwich, _Miss _Washington." She growls and throws a pencil at him as he retreats, laughing. She hears Nathaniel chuckle at them, and she looks at him. He has an amused look on his face, but there's something in his eyes that tells her he's concerned about the party tonight.

She shoots him a game smile, and she shrugs lightly, trying to tell him that she's OK. After a moment, he nods and goes back to his plex. They all dig into their lunches, and they get back to work.

She leaves the office before they do that evening, knowing that it's going to take her a little while to get ready. The only good thing about tonight is that they're going straight from the building to a sealed car, and they'll be entering the party through a garage, so they can do without their rebreathers.

After taking a shower, she digs into her things for a large, round brush, and she takes a long time drying her hair, using the brush to encourage waves. She then carefully applies more makeup than usual.

Wrapped in a towel, she goes to her closet. One thing she won't admit to anyone is how much she likes the "appropriate" undergarments that the woman from the senator's office encouraged. They're simple and sheer, very different from her usual military-issue underwear and sports bras.

Turning to the dresses, she looks at them closely. She has to go to about a dozen of these parties, and so the woman made her choose six floor-length cocktail dresses, each to be worn twice. She chooses one of them, a dark red one. It's a fitted sheath, boat-neck in the front and dipping somewhat low in the back. It has a slit up one side, stopping just above her knee, that allows her to walk.

She steps into the dress, pulling it up and zipping it. She then slips on her shoes, a killer pair of black spike heels, another thing she refuses to admit that she likes. She puts on a pair of simple silver earrings and matching bracelet, left to her by her mother, and grabs the small black bag she bought. In it, she drops her lipstick and her dog tags, the latter being something she just doesn't feel comfortable leaving.

Turning around, she looks at herself in the mirror. It's a strange feeling, because she almost doesn't recognize herself. She stares, but then a knock at the door makes her blink.

Grabbing the simple black wrap she got to wear over the dresses, she heads for the door. As she opens it, Nathaniel says, "Alicia are you…" he pauses when his eyes hit her, and he goes quiet, blinking at her.

"Nathaniel?" She's suddenly concerned about him. "Is everything OK?"

"Holy shit."

"What? Is something wrong? Is this not OK for the party?" She gestures to her dress, looking at him.

He clears his throat, shaking his head. "Yeah, sorry. Alicia, it's perfect. You look…_perfect_."

He looks flushed, and something in his voice makes her go warm all over. She gives him a nearly-shy smile. "Thank you." Her eyes run over him. "You clean up pretty well yourself." It's not a lie; she'd forgotten how good he looks in his dress uniform.

As they head for the elevator to go meet Guz in the building's lobby, he walks closer to her than usual. She can almost feel his hand ghosting at her back. It's as though he wants to touch her but knows that he shouldn't.

When they arrive in the lobby, they spot Guz waiting by the door. He turns when they approach, and after a nod to Nathaniel, he looks at Alicia. He freezes much like Nathaniel did, but after that, he just grins and lets out a wolf whistle. In response, she rolls her eyes and whacks him with her bag.

After a short car ride, they are dropped off in the sealed area outside one of the fancy downtown Chicago hotels. Some of these parties will be in Washington, but this one is here in honor of the location of the time portal.

They enter the ballroom where the party is being held, Alicia in the middle with Guz and Nathaniel flanking her. If she wasn't so nervous, their obvious hovering might get on her nerves. Senator Hayes approaches them, his aide, the harpy woman, in tow.

As the senator greets them, Alicia's eyes meet the woman's eyes. Alicia glares at her and tosses her hair over her shoulder, making Guz emit a barely-concealed snort.

"Lieutenant!" Alicia turns towards the voice, only to see the senator extending his hand to her.

She holds out her hand for him to take. "Good evening, Senator Hayes."

He actually kisses the back of her hand, and it takes everything she has to not roll her eyes. "You look lovely, Lieutenant. I'm glad you and Mindy were able to have some success in the stores."

Alicia pulls her hand back, a little uncomfortable. "Thank you, sir."

The senator then sees one of the important financial backers, so he taps Nathaniel's arm. It's clear, from the way he immediately looks at her, that he's hesitant to leave her. She gives him a slight nod, one he reluctantly returns before following the senator.

"Buy you a drink, Lieutenant?" Guz offers her his arm. She takes it with a laugh and lets him walk her to the bar.

Two hours later, Alicia is admittedly bored. She's nursing only her second drink of the night, unwilling to get even slightly tipsy. Guz stepped away from her a few minutes ago when he saw someone he knew from his tour in southeast Asia. Nathaniel has been working the room, his eyes often straying to her, never far away, and he has slowly been working his way closer to her.

She now stands in a quiet corner of the room, observing the other partygoers. She has been introduced to most of them, and now she is craving a little silence. Some of the other people here are getting drunk, and for her, that's just another reason to stay to the side of the fray. It's actually a decently friendly party, but Alicia is getting tired. In particular, she's getting tired of pretending that she's having a good time.

"Lieutenant." Alicia looks up sharply to see another one of the politicians, Senator Morrison, approach her. The man is pretty obviously drunk, and the look he is shooting her is lascivious. When he gets to her, he does what Nathaniel didn't dare do earlier, crowding her with his body and resting his hand on the bare skin of her back, sliding it around to come to rest on her hip. His position hides his actions from most of the rest of the room.

As he grasps at her, Alicia freezes. She has no idea what to do, no idea how to gracefully escape from this. A moment later, it goes from uncomfortable straight into nightmare-land. The drunk politician leans close in, hand leaving her hip and sliding literally down the back of her dress, coming to rest directly on her ass. As he does, he murmurs, "You are the hottest woman I've ever seen at one of these parties. I've been watching you all night, and all I want to do is rip that dress off and pound you up against a wall."

She feels like a deer in headlights. She knows she can't get free without making at least a small scene. As much as she has been through, the only other time she was ever manhandled like this was one time when she was briefly captured by enemy forces. She broke the arm of the man who did that. She's also never been spoken to like that, not by a stranger. As the seconds tick by, each feeling like an eternity, her panic grows.

She finally decides that she just has to twist free and get away when it's taken care of for her. Out of nowhere, Nathaniel appears. In an instant, he has the politician turned face first into the wall, the offending arm twisted painfully behind him. Nathaniel leans his head down, and Alicia hears him growl, "If you do not disappear right now, I will rip your arm off and feed it to you, and then I'll cross the room and explain in detail to _your wife _why I had to do it."

The moment Nathaniel releases him, the senator bolts like a frightened rabbit, and Alicia breathes a sigh of relief. She feels herself shaking lightly, and when Nathaniel turns back to her, his face full of concern, his eyes are clearly asking her if she wants to leave. She blinks a few times and nods, not trusting her voice right now.

He steps up to her, and, without hesitation this time, places a firm, protective hand on her lower back. He guides them through the crowd, and they're almost to the door when they are stopped by Senator Hayes. "Where are you two going? There are still a few backers you both need to meet."

"We've had enough for one night, Senator." Nathaniel's voice is still a growl as the harpy aide appears next to the senator.

"Nonsense. This is an obligation on both of your parts. You will not shirk your responsibilities."

Nathaniel's eyes darken, and he steps closer to Senator Hayes. "Your good friend Senator Morrison just assaulted my lieutenant. If you have an issue with our leaving early, you take it up with him. Next party, you make sure your boys understand that Wash could kill any one of them with one arm tied behind her back, but she was just too polite and cares too much about the expedition to embarrass them. They damn well better respect her from now on. If they don't, not only will they have to answer to her, they'll have to answer to _me._ And answering to me will entail my ripping their heads off with my bare hands _after_ I turn Wash loose to kick their asses from here to next week. Am I clear, _Sir_?"

As the surprised senator stammers an apology to her, Alicia notices that his aide disappeared the second that Nathaniel said what happened. A moment later, Nathaniel is once again propelling Alicia towards the door. Guz, who obviously saw what happened, is standing at the entrance to the room. "Wash, you OK?" At her weak nod, he goes on, "Sir, I'll stay and meet the last few backers. Anyone asks, and I'll tell them you were both called away on an emergency. Just send the car back for me."

With his free hand, Nathaniel squeezes Guz's shoulder. "Thanks, Guz."

"No problem, Commander." He nods to Nathaniel and Alicia and slips back into the crowd.

They're crossing the lobby when they hear a voice. "Lieutenant, Commander, wait!" They turn to see Senator Hayes's aide following them with something in her hands. "You forgot your wrap, Lieutenant." The woman holds out Alicia's black wrap, and Alicia takes it, surprised, murmuring a thank you. "I had them bring your car around. I'm sorry, Lieutenant. Senator Morrison is a pig. He's groped about half of the female staffers at these parties, myself included."

Alicia's eyes widen at that, and the woman just gives her another apologetic look before disappearing back into the party. Alicia mutters, "Damn it, I was really enjoying disliking her."

Nathaniel chuckles at that, and he guides her to the now-waiting car. When they get back to their apartment building, at her door, Nathaniel says, "Get changed. I'll be right back."

She's surprised for a moment, but she doesn't argue. "I'll leave the door unlocked. Just come in."

She goes to her bedroom, stripping off the dress and shoes, and she drops the lacy bra on the floor. After going into the bathroom to scrub the makeup from her face and brush her hair, she slips on a pair of sweats, an oversized t-shirt and a pair of socks. By the time she emerges, she can hear Nathaniel rattling around in the kitchen.

Instead of going to investigate, she just sits in one corner of the sofa, once again pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. As she tries to relax, the mild shaking returns, and she closes her eyes, trying to will it to stop. When she feels a weight drop next to her on the sofa, she opens her eyes to look at him.

Dressed similarly to her, he's holding out a mug, and she takes it from him. Taking a sip of the steaming liquid in the mug, she crinkles up her nose at the taste. It's some kind of tea laced with a pretty liberal amount of bourbon. He chuckles at that, but she just shakes her head and takes a bigger swallow of the drink before handing it back to him.

He holds the mug in his right hand and scoots closer to her on the sofa. He again props his feet on the coffee table and wraps his left arm around her shoulders, this time doing so without hesitation. She curls into him, not liking how vulnerable she feels but also knowing that she's safe letting him see the vulnerability.

He takes a sip from the mug, and his left hand finds its way into her hair, combing through it methodically. Her frayed nerves begin to settle, and she relaxes into him more. Eventually, she offers, "I was right."

"Hmm?" He sounds a little confused.

"This sucks."

He huffs out a laugh, and then he asks, "Are you all right, Alicia?"

She sighs, dropping her head to his shoulder as she nods. "I will be, Nathaniel. And I know you may be about to, so let me stop you – do not apologize. This was not your doing or your fault."

He squeezes her to him. "OK. I won't, but from now on, you're never alone at one of these damned things. Either I'm with you or Guz is."

She bristles slightly at that. He must notice, because he says, "It's not because I don't think you can handle yourself, Alicia. It's because I don't trust those sons of bitches. I don't ever again want you put in the position you were in tonight."

She holds her hand out for the mug, and he hands it to her. After taking another sip, she hands it back and curls closer into his side. "I froze, Nathaniel. I had no idea what to do. If we'd been in the field, I would have broken his arm. But I didn't know what to do…"

"Of course you didn't. No one would, Alicia. I'm just glad I was there. I probably enjoyed going after that piece of shit a little more than I should have, though." She can almost hear his feral grin.

A light knock at the door makes them both look up. They hear Guz identify himself through the door, and Nathaniel calls out, "It's open, Guz."

Guz comes in, bottle of whiskey in hand. He's also dressed in comfortable clothes. He puts the bottle on the table and drops into the armchair across from them, also propping his feet on the coffee table. Nathaniel holds up the mug. "We're way ahead of you, Guz. Glasses are in the kitchen."

Guz grins, and he gets up and goes to the kitchen for a moment, quickly returning with a glass of whiskey, neat. He sits back down, and Nathaniel says, "You're back faster than I thought you'd be."

"Right after you left, Senator Hayes sought me out. He apologized again and said I could leave too, if I preferred. I did, so he offered me his car. Tasha's with her grandmother, so I thought I'd come see how Wash here is doing." He looks at her, a concerned expression on his face.

She gives him a weak smile back. She knows she should probably pull away from Nathaniel, but given that Guz seems completely unphased by their positions, she decides that she doesn't care. "I'm OK, Guz. Shaken, but I'll rally."

"I just informed her that from now on…" Nathaniel begins, and Guz nods before he can finish.

"She's never alone at one of those parties again. When you get pulled away, I'll be there."

She snorts. "Bodyguards. Nice."

Nathaniel hugs her tighter to him. "I know you don't like appearing weak, Alicia, but that is not what this is. We are just making sure that no one ever thinks that liberties can be taken."

"I know, and I do appreciate it." She bumps his shoulder with her head and smiles at Guz.

As they sit there, Nathaniel goes back to running his hand through her hair, and he questions Guz on who all he talked to tonight. Their low, deep voices serve to calm her further, and she finds herself drifting off.

Usually, she doesn't have a need to feel protected, but tonight, the presence of Nathaniel and Guz combined with Nathaniel's hand in her hair is exactly what she needs. As she falls asleep, she mentally acknowledges that there are times when feeling safe and protected isn't necessarily a bad thing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **Pre-Series, pre-first pilgrimage set up. Same context as my other stories, so this is basically a prequel to my story _118 Days Later_. Probably only one more chapter after this one.

**Disclaimer is as usual – no profit, not mine, just borrowing.**

_Early 2142_

Alicia rolls her shoulders against the stiffness in them. She's been sitting at her desk for the past eight hours, reading through dozens of personnel files. They are working to finalize the group that will be going through the portal in about three months.

Guz and Nathaniel have been away all day, looking at equipment they need to bring, and she's getting together final recommendations, not only for the first group, but also for the groups slated to come through next year. They've managed to get one doctor on the list, but she's concerned about his physical abilities. For the first group, they're only taking people who can hold their own, and the doctor may be too much of a behind-the-lines sort for that.

Next week, they're going to start field training and physical testing. For the last three months, she, Guz and Nathaniel have all been spending two or three hours a day in the gym, setting up a training course and then running it themselves. They've also been sparring more – after a day on the mat, they realized that while they're all in good shape, there was room for improvement.

For her, it's been a challenge. Her endurance and other skills were pretty much one hundred percent, but she hasn't sparred with people as skilled as Guz and especially Nathaniel in a long time. At first, due to the fact that her timing and reactions were not up to snuff, they were both pretty much kicking her ass. After a couple of weeks, she lost count of the bruises.

She kept them as hidden as she could, as she knew that they would have upset both of the guys. She doesn't need or want them to pull punches with her. Her doctors gave her complete clearance, no limits on her activities, and she's seen her chart. She knows she's not at risk. But knowing that herself and convincing Guz and Nathaniel of it are not the same things.

She grins, thinking about the last few weeks. Three months in, she's definitely no longer lagging behind. Guz pretty much can't stay on the mat with her. He's bigger and stronger, but she's so much faster and more agile that he just can't keep up. With Nathaniel, she's had less success, but on average, she can beat him almost (but not quite) half of the time.

For the sparring, they have a plan prepared. To even be considered, they have to stay on the mat with Guz. Beating him and getting to Alicia is good, beating her and getting to Nathaniel is better, however unlikely. Anyone who beats Nathaniel will pretty much be an automatic in unless they have attitude about it.

As far as all of them are concerned, they don't have the time or the patience to deal with big egos. Just like Alicia doesn't lord her ability to beat him over Guz, Nathaniel doesn't lord anything over them about his ability to beat both of them. Ego can get a person killed, whether it's by an enemy combatant or by a really pissed off dinosaur.

Putting the finishing touches on her lists. She has three; one is just rejects, one is preferred people and the third is people on the bubble. She has actually been surprised by the number of applicants they've had. She'd assumed that they'd have to entice people, but it appears that the opportunity to get out of their dying world is enticement enough.

She sends her lists to Guz and Nathaniel, and she decides she's had enough fun for the day. Even though they weren't planning to spar today, Alicia decides to head to the gym area they now have set up in an adjacent building. They got the facility set aside so they could make the area a permanent installation, or at least permanent until they leave.

As she enters the gym, she can tell that the guys aren't here, given that it's completely silent. Next week, it will be constantly busy, as the recruits are arriving for their physical evals. They'll be putting them through the obstacle course first, which includes sections on climbing and marksmanship. The course is relatively make or break; if anyone can't finish it, that person's chances will decrease dramatically, and some will be eliminated.

After that, they'll be going to the sparring ring. Since Guz and Nathaniel aren't here, Alicia decides to take some runs on the course, curious to see how fast she can get through it. They've run it for accuracy and completeness, testing out the obstacles. According to them, Guz and Nathaniel have both also run it for time, but she hasn't yet. They both told her they won't share their times until she does it for time too.

She goes to change. The changing area is co-ed, with just a curtain separating the men's and women's areas. They want to bring home the reality they may have to face in the past. Comfortable accommodations, including for latrines and living spaces, will be unlikely, at least at first.

A few minutes later she emerges. She's wearing her usual gear and her trainers, and she pulls on a pair of fingerless leather gloves as she walks. She eyes the course. The gym is huge, one of the former spaces for events in this building, so the floor space is a staggering nearly 24,000 square feet. They've used it well. She shakes her head, not wanting to know what this cost.

There are two climbing walls, two stationary target ranges, a ropes section, a firing range with moving targets and several other sections to test strength, agility and balance. The climbing walls automatically adjust after each run, the hand and foot holds moving, just in case someone runs it again – they don't want people to be able to "learn" the course too easily.

The average soldier, they guess, will likely take about twenty-five minutes or so to complete the course. She feels pretty sure that Nathaniel and Guz have both come in at well less than that. Alicia slaps on a bracelet designed to track start time, accuracy in the ranges and finish time, as well as the time to complete each task. She stretches quickly and takes a swallow of water. She intends to run it twice in succession, just to see if she can.

Taking a deep breath, she sets herself and takes off. She crosses the line, only slightly out of breath, just under twenty-one minutes later. She checks her results on the computer terminal at the start. She curses, seeing that she was at one hundred percent accuracy on the two stationary target ranges, but only ninety-seven percent on the moving targets.

She stretches again and drinks some more water. The first time, she was thinking about going fast. This time, she decides to just clear her mind and run it, not considering time or accuracy. Before getting into a start position, she closes her eyes and evens out her breathing, feeling her body relax completely.

**WT**WT**WT**

As they enter the gym, Guz and Nathaniel see Alicia at the start line for the obstacle course. She has her eyes closed, and she appears to be trying to get centered. Nathaniel knows that's what she's doing, as he's seen her do it before, often when she was working as a sniper.

After she takes off, they just watch her for a moment, both in awe of the grace and strength evident in her movements. Guz's eyes widen when she gets to the first climbing wall and scales it in no time flat, not hesitating at all as she reaches for the hand holds. Guz looks at Nathaniel, shocked.

Nathaniel just chuckles. "Guess she never mentioned her rock-climbing hobby to you?"

Guz shakes his head, and he walks over to a terminal where they can watch her as she works the course on the far side of the gym. As Guz watches her, they see the computer popping up times comparing it to her first run. Nathaniel is stunned to see that this is her second run, and at her pace, she'll likely finish a full two to three minutes faster than the first time.

He looks at Guz. "My fastest time is 20:15, but that's with some inaccuracies on the gun courses. For one hundred percent accuracy on all three courses, my time is 20:45. You?"

Guz shakes his head again. "20:35 above ninety percent, 21:18 to get one hundred. What's her pace?"

Nathaniel looks back down at the monitor. Alicia just finished the second gun range, this one the moving targets. Both ranges, so far, were one hundred percent. "Her pace is for about nineteen minutes." His voice sounds slightly awed as he speaks.

Guz's eyes snap to him, and he looks stunned. He looks back down at the monitor. They both watch her scale the second wall, actually picking up even more time, and she then blows through the second stationary target course, again at one hundred percent. The last piece of the course is a flat out one hundred meter run, and as she hits it, Nathaniel hears Guz murmur, "Come on, Wash, _run_." Internally, Nathaniel is thinking the same thing.

Moments later, she sprints across the line. She's breathing hard, and she actually drops to the mat once she's across, closing her eyes and clearly trying to catch her breath. The men look down at her time and then back at each other, and they walk over to her, Nathaniel grabbing her water and a towel. She starts a little when they get to her.

Nathaniel hands Guz the towel and water, and then he extends a hand to Alicia to help her up. She takes it. Once she's on her feet, Guz offers her the towel and water. She takes them, flipping the towel over her shoulder and taking a long drink of the water. Nathaniel can't hold it in. "You just kicked my ass, Alicia. Guz's too."

She gives him the water to hold, and she dries her face on the towel. It muffles her voice when she replies, "What are you talking about?"

"Alicia, you just finished in eighteen minutes and forty-three seconds, with one hundred percent accuracy on the shooting ranges. That's a full two minutes faster than I could do for one hundred percent, over two and a half faster than Guz." She drops the towel, a look of complete shock on her face. He grins and Guz laughs quietly.

"Bullshit." She clearly doesn't believe them, and she strides over to the computer terminal. He and Guz laugh as she scrolls through her results, her eyes growing wide at the statistics in front of her face. She looks up at them and then back down at the screen, her brow furrowing as she appears to scroll back to the top.

Nathaniel's eyes soften at her antics, and he gets something of a goofy grin on his face as he watches her. Guz clears his throat, and Nathaniel looks up at him. Guz has a knowing look on his face, making Nathaniel blink at him. "I'll just go get changed, sir. Looks like I need to try to improve my time." With that, Guz disappears.

Nathaniel watches him go, realizing that he's probably being a little more transparent about Alicia than he should be. At least it's pretty safe to do so around Guz, but he'll have to work on it for next week. For now, he just shrugs it off and heads over to the computer terminal.

A lock of her hair, escaped from her ponytail, is hanging down into her eyes. Instead of saying something, he reaches out and tucks the hair behind her ear, making her look up in surprise. His fingertips linger on her face for a moment, and a blush rises on her cheeks. Their eyes meet, and the air between them suddenly feels thick with tension, at least to him.

A moment later, as she stares up at him, her breathing going shallow, he realizes that it's not just him. With the hand already touching her face, he actually cups her cheek with his palm, and he steps a little closer to her. Alicia blinks owlishly up at him, and in what he's pretty sure is an instinctive move, she leans slightly into his touch.

Before either of them can make another move, the computer terminal dings, and they look down to see a message asking if the results are to be saved. He reaches down and clicks on the "yes" to save the information, and she steps away, clearly a little out of sorts. She's blinking, and as she moves away, she accidentally bumps into the computer table.

He wants to say something, but he can't quite find the words. Without meeting his eyes, she beats him to it, saying quietly, "I should go shower. It's been a long day."

He mentally kicks himself as he watches her go, both for making her uneasy and for not mustering the words to say something before she could scurry away. He sighs, running a hand through his hair. Thinking back to when he first started dating Ayani, he can't help but breathe out, "This used to be easier."

**WT**WT**WT**

A week later, Alicia watches as the first group of ten recruits gathers around the sparring mat. The group started with fifteen, but a few of them either washed out on the training course or quit after it. No one came close to the time she set; in fact, no one even came close to Guz's time. The fastest finisher took over twenty-three minutes, and that was with only eighty percent accuracy on the shooting sections.

She stands off to the side. All ten of these have to get through Guz before they get to her. Two are women, the rest men, and they all seem to be projecting skepticism at what Nathaniel just explained to them. As they all shift and mumble, Nathaniel listens briefly and then barks out, "Is there a problem with our training procedures, recruits?"

Most of them come to attention at that, but one male recruit, the one who posted the best time on the course, says, "Sir, all due respect, we have to go through _him_," he gestures to Guz, "To get to _her_?" he then gestures to Alicia.

Nathaniel looks pissed, but he turns his eyes to Guz. They've been anticipating this. Guz looks at the man and grins. "Corporal, the lieutenant here can kick my ass, and she can, at least every now and then, kick the commander's ass. And, that record time you all saw for the course, under nineteen minutes with one hundred percent accuracy? Did you think it was the commander who posted that?"

The recruits all nod. Nathaniel actually laughs. They look at him, and Alicia mentally rolls her eyes at the pre-planned little drama he and Guz are putting on. Nathaniel says, "Sorry to disappoint, ladies and gentlemen, but I didn't post that time. That time bettered mine by two minutes, and it bettered Lieutenant Guzman's time by two-and-a-half minutes. Lieutenant Washington posted that time." As their eyes turn to her, Alicia just stands there, doing her best to appear bored.

Guz calls out, "Any more questions?" The recruits all shake their heads no, so Guz says, "Well then, time's wasting. Let's go." He steps on the mat with the first recruit, and they start to spar. Alicia watches each one, assessing their skill level and getting a feel for their style. As she does, her mind eventually begins to wander to the week before.

When she lets herself think about it, she's sure she can still feel his hand on her face. The thought makes her stomach flip over. She's irritated with herself about it, because she's never been so unsure and, for lack of a better term, _girly _about a man before. Since it's about Nathaniel, someone she has known ten years, it makes her feel ridiculous.

She has to admit, though, that while she's had her fair share of liaisons, no one has ever managed to get under her skin the way Nathaniel does. She also has no idea what he's thinking, and she knows that his recent displays of affection could be purely platonic, familial. The one thing she won't do is risk their friendship.

A yell gets her attention, and she winces as Guz levels the first recruit. The man did all right for a while, but he tired quickly, his reactions slowing noticeably. The second recruit steps up, and in minutes, Guz has him laid out on the mat.

A moment later, she jumps when she hears Nathaniel's voice in her ear. "Not too promising so far."

She shakes her head. "Agreed, but the first two were only on the maybe list anyway."

"Hmm." He sounds non-committal, and she looks up at him. His eyes are trained on the mat, so she just shrugs and looks back at the mat herself.

The next few recruits, including the two women, have varying levels of success with Guz. No one actually beats him, but two of the four, one woman and one man, do well. Alicia pulls out a plex and makes some notes on it.

The last four to go were all on their first choice list. She puts her plex down, starting to watch more closely. She feels somewhat certain that at least one, maybe two of these guys will take Guz down. The first two do well, but they end up down. They take a short break, Guz coming over to Alicia and Nathaniel. Alicia hands him a bottle of water. "Tired yet?"

He grins at her. "Nah. Fighting these people isn't anything like fighting the two of you. Though I think these last two may be a little more challenging."

Alicia and Nathaniel nod their agreement. As he turns to head back to the mat, Alicia calls, "Have fun, Guz," making Guz and Nathaniel both snort.

Watching the last two guys talking, Alicia figures that they're comparing notes on what they've seen from Guz. She steps closer to the mat and starts to stretch a little, even if surreptitiously. The last two guys are as tall as Guz, one of them wiry but the other one almost as bulky as Nathaniel.

The wiry guy steps up to the mat. He and Guz circle each other, and then they both engage. After several minutes, Guz takes a misstep, and the recruit manages to take him down. The eight beaten recruits cheer, making Alicia smirk. She catches Nathaniel's eye, and he is wearing a similar expression.

Alicia walks up and holds a hand out to Guz, pulling him to his feet. Guz grins. "You're It, Wash."

She grins back, stretching more openly now. After a moment, she hears the recruit say, a laughing tone in his voice, "Whenever you're ready, _ma'am_."

She looks over at Nathaniel and Guz, and they both shake their heads, laughing. Alicia shoots them a feral grin, the same smile she's wearing when she turns back to the recruit. She sets herself in what she knows will be perceived as a defensive position. The man is probably five or six inches taller than she is, and he appears to have at least forty pounds on her, if not fifty.

To her, that just means she'll have more leverage taking him down. She looks at the man. "Come on, soldier. I haven't got all day."

The man advances on her. She easily steps away from his first attack, nailing him in the back as he moves past her. They reset, and he comes at her again. This time, he tries to sweep her low. She jumps his leg easily, turning and dancing away from him. On his third attempt, he anticipates her move, and she ends up with his arm around her neck from behind.

She doesn't hesitate. She elbows him hard in the midsection at the same time she brings her foot down on his instep. He grunts and his arm loosens, and with that, she grasps his arm and, using her bodyweight, flips him hard to the mat. The man doesn't move. He's sheened with sweat, and she's not even breathing hard.

"Wash!" Alicia looks up in time to see Nathaniel toss her a towel. She nods her thanks to him.

She turns and drops the towel on the recruit. "Better luck next time, Private."

He pushes himself up, and he staggers to the edge of the mat, clearly winded. The last recruit, the Corporal from earlier, steps up to the mat looking smug. He and Guz start to spar, and Alicia has to acknowledge that this guy is good. She's not worried, but she takes into account the fact that while the first guy probably had forty pounds on her, this guy likely has sixty or seventy. He's huge.

Nathaniel appears at her side again. He murmurs, "Big, but weaknesses."

She nods. "Dropping his left shoulder. Weak right knee and ankle, too."

He chuckles, and in a low voice, says, "That's my girl."

Rolling her eyes, her reply is cut off when the man takes Guz down, managing to sweep his legs and making him land hard on his back. She's at Guz's side in an instant. "All OK, Guz?"

The recruit _laughs_, pissing Alicia off immediately. Guz opens his eyes after a moment. "OK, Wash. Going to hurt in the morning, though."

She pulls him to his feet again. "Good thing we don't get the next set for a few days, then."

He snorts, and then he leans down to her. "Kick his ass, Wash. I don't like this smug piece of crap."

She nods. "Not a problem. I don't like him either." Turning back to the recruit, she sees him point to her and roll his eyes, laughing. Big mistake.

She decides she's had enough of this little jackass. She echoes his buddy's words from earlier, with her own little twist. "Whenever you're ready, cupcake."

Faintly, she hears Guz and Nathaniel snort. The man turns back to her, realizing that he just got caught mocking a superior officer, but also clearly pissed off at her little jibe. He doesn't hesitate, just comes at her.

She dodges easily, and they fall into a similar pattern over the next several minutes. They circle, he attacks, she dodges easily. What the man doesn't realize is that she's making him do all the work. He probably assumes that she's afraid of him. Instead, she's just letting him get tired and pissed.

She's also aware, though, that he's starting to track her movements better. That becomes clear when he manages to land a crushing blow to her lower back on his next pass. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Nathaniel and Guz both tense, but they restrain themselves.

She's had enough. This time, when the man comes at her, she drops low and kicks out. He trips, almost face planting in the mat. Foolishly, he turns back towards her before he's completely steady again, and that's her in. She spins out, her foot arcing high towards his unprepared left side. Her foot connects with his torso, sending him stumbling.

Before he can blink, she's behind him, and she lands a hard pop to the back of his right knee. His leg crumbles beneath him, and the man goes down hard. This time, when the recruits cheer, it's for her. Clearly the man sprawled on the mat isn't exactly popular with most of his peers.

Alicia stands over him. "Corporal?" He looks up at her, his eyes angry. "Two pieces of advice. First, never underestimate your opponent – any buck private should already know that. Second, if you want to be a part of this crew, I recommend that you pull your head out of your ass. We need smart and capable, not smug and overconfident."

She stalks away as Guz and Nathaniel approach. The corporal must not see them because, unwisely, he mutters, "Bitch."

Alicia turns around, eyes wide and angry, and Guz bristles, but it's Nathaniel who is on the man in an instant. He grabs his shoulder and hauls him to his feet. "What was that, Corporal?"

For the first time today, the corporal looks scared. "Nothing, sir."

Nathaniel growls, "Really, Corporal? Because I'm pretty sure you just referred to Lieutenant Washington, 2IC of this expedition, the woman who just owned your ass, as a bitch."

The man stammers, "Sir, I…"

"Save it." This time, it's Guz speaking. He looks at Nathaniel, and at Nathaniel's quick nod, Guz says, "You're dismissed, Corporal. Take your things and report back to your regular C.O."

"But sir!" The man has gone pale.

"No buts, Corporal. You heard Guzman. Get your stuff and get out. Now." Nathaniel's eyes are livid.

After a heartbeat, the man nods and bolts. Nathaniel turns to the rest of the group. "That's it for today. All nine of you may return for the classroom testing tomorrow. That will be run by our psy-ops division. Enjoy. Dismissed."

The remaining recruits disperse. Alicia grabs her bag, intending to head out. Her back is already hurting, and she just wants to go stand under a hot shower at home. She's also a little irked with Nathaniel for his caveman routine, though she recognizes that it was totally called for in this situation.

"Lieutenant." His voice makes her turn. He approaches, catching up with her. "Alicia, is your back all right?"

She sighs. "It'll be fine, Nathaniel."

He frowns. "It will be fine, or it is fine?"

"Nathaniel…"

"I'm serious, Lieutenant."

"Will be. I need a hot shower and some anti-inflammatories. It was a good hit." She winces, her back muscles already tightening up. "Am I dismissed?" The question is asked impatiently. He gets a slightly hurt look on his face, and she says, "Nathaniel, I'm sorry, I'm not upset with you. My back hurts and I want to get out of here. That's all."

He nods, looking concerned. "I'll get you something for dinner and bring it over. You don't need to cook."

She cocks an eyebrow at him. "Nathaniel, I don't need food poisoning, either."

He laughs. "Neither do I. I said I'll _get you something_. I didn't say I'd cook."

She smiles, and Guz calls him back to the mats, so Alicia slips out. An hour later, after a scalding hot shower, she is sprawled front-side down on her sofa. Her back is so sore that she actually took both an anti-inflammatory and a light muscle relaxer. She hears a soft knock at the door, and she calls out to come in, guessing that it's Nathaniel. The door opens and closes, and she hears noise like plastic bags in her kitchen.

A moment later, she squeaks a little when a weight drops next to her on the sofa. "You all right?"

"I'm OK, Nathaniel." She tries to turn, but her lower back protests, making her gasp lightly.

He puts a firm hand on her shoulder. "Stay." His weight lifts off of the sofa.

She snorts but doesn't argue, since it honestly hurts to move. She knows it's just a stinger, she's had them before, but she hates it when they happen to her back. After looking at her lower back in the mirror after her shower, she knew this one would hurt for a bit. The bruise on the small of her back is already forming.

She smells him coming before she hears him, the strong scent of menthol preceding him. He sits on the sofa again, and he says, "I'm going to push your top up, Alicia."

"Nathaniel, I can do it."

"You can't even sit up without wincing, Alicia. Now, hold still." Before she can protest, she feels his hands slide her tank top up. His intake of breath tells her that the bruising is even worse now. "Alicia…"

She cuts him off. "I'm _fine_, Nathaniel. It looks worse than it is. I've certainly _had _worse."

He doesn't say anything. A few seconds later, she gasps when the cool-hot feeling of the menthol rub hits her back. She tenses a little, but quickly relaxes again under the gentle motion of his hands on her skin. "You know," he offers, his voice low, "If I hadn't been completely certain that it would've pissed you off, I would've ripped that little S.O.B.'s head off."

"You're right." She crosses her arms and drops her face into them, muffling her voice.

"What?" He sounds confused.

"It would definitely have pissed me off."

He laughs. "Well done taking him down, by the way. Doubt he'll learn from it, but well done."

"Hmm." She feels herself dropping off as he continues to gently rub her sore back.

When his hands stop moving, she almost whimpers in protest. She feels him lower her tank again, and she feels him cover her with the light blanket she keeps on the back of her sofa. His hand combs through her unbound hair. "I left dinner in the fridge for when you get hungry. Sleep a bit for now, Alicia."

Fighting the sleepiness and haze caused by the muscle relaxer, she mumbles, "Stay."

His hand freezes briefly in her hair, and after a moment, he leans down and drops a light kiss on the part of her shoulder bared by her tank top. "Call me when you wake up. I'll come over and eat dinner with you. If you're nice to me, I'll even heat it up for you."

She smiles at that. "Is that a threat?"

He chuckles. "No, but only because all I have to do is microwave it. I'll see you later, Alicia."

"'K. Later." As she drifts off, she hears her door open and close, and she can still feel the light press of his lips against her shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Pre-Series, pre-first pilgrimage set up. Same context as my other stories, so this is basically a prequel to my story _118 Days Later_. This is the final chapter, pretty much ending where _118 Days Later _Part One picks up.

**Disclaimer is as usual – no profit, not mine, just borrowing.**

_Mid 2142_

Alicia looks around her apartment, eyeing the boxes and bags. They're days away from their scheduled departure for the distant past, and they're making final preparations to get their personal business in order.

Guz is with Tasha and her grandmother, and Nathaniel is actually trying to spend some time with Lucas, regardless of how disinterested Lucas seems. Since Alicia doesn't have any family beyond the guys, she stayed here, going through her boxes and dwelling in the past a little.

She has a semi-large collection of honest-to-God books, not plexes or e-books, but actual bound books, most of them gifts from Ayani Taylor. To fill the last few days, Alicia has been re-reading many of them, looking over her favorite parts. If all goes well in the past, in the second pilgrimage, her boxes will come through the portal.

Most of her books will be in the boxes, but she can't bear to leave them all behind. So, in addition to a few other small items, Alicia has slipped two books into her backpack. Both of the books were given to her by Ayani the first Christmas that Alicia spent with the Taylors, only months after Nathaniel chose her as his unit's medic. She'd just turned nineteen, and Nathaniel had told Ayani how Alicia was always reading in her free time.

When Alicia handed her the package from under the tree, she'd been baffled and amazed that this woman didn't even blink at having this young stranger in her home. The package yielded something that brought tears to Alicia's eyes. They were old paperback books, _The Red Badge of Courage_ and _To Kill a Mockingbird_. To this day, they are Alicia's two favorite books.

She looks out the window. Night has fallen; she expects Nathaniel and Guz both back tomorrow. Until then, she's still on her own. She knows she should make something for dinner, but she just doesn't feel like it.

She picks up one of her other books, _Sense and Sensibility_, and she puts it and her blanket on the sofa. She goes to the kitchen to make herself some tea, smiling as she remembers Nathaniel finding out how much she loves, unlikely as it sounds, Jane Austen novels. When he found one of her dog-eared books, he gave her a hard time about it for days. Even so, at her next birthday, one when they were mostly out of reach, deep in southeast Asia, she found the book that waits for her on the sofa tucked into her pack. She still has no idea how he got it for her.

Sighing, she takes her tea and heads back to the sofa. She misses him. He's only been gone a few days, and yet she misses him terribly. Since that day he showed back up, rescuing her from the hell that was her job at the supply depot, he has become a fixture in her world again. Seeing him every day has spoiled her, and she knows it.

She puts her tea down on the coffee table and curls up on the sofa tucking her legs underneath her. She picks up her book, and in the low light from the window and from her kitchen, she starts to read. At some point, she falls asleep.

She's awakened a while later by a persistent noise. As she struggles up out of her deep sleep, book still in her lap, she realizes that the sound is someone knocking at her door. Looking at her watch, she sees that it's 1 a.m. She furrows her brow, wrapping her blanket around her and going to the door, worried that there might be some sort of emergency.

As a precaution, she peers through peephole in her door, knowing she can easily grab a sonic pistol from the small cabinet near the kitchen. She blinks in surprise at the sight that greets her eyes, and without hesitation, she unlocks the door and whips it open. "Nathaniel?"

He looks exhausted and, in a way she hasn't seen in a long time, defeated. His eyes rake over her, taking in her sweats and oversized t-shirt, topped with her blanket and what is, most likely, very messy hair, and he looks instantly contrite. "I didn't think about how late it is. I'm sorry, Alicia."

He turns as if to go, but she reaches out and stops him, placing a hand on his arm. "It's OK, Nathaniel. Come in."

He nods, and he enters her apartment, dropping his pack by the front door. She realizes that he didn't even stop at his own place across the hall before coming here. As she closes the door, he wanders into the living room. She follows, seeing him collapsed on her couch, his expression melancholy, to say the least.

Without speaking, she retrieves her now-cold mug of tea from the table, and she heads to the kitchen. She heats more water and makes a fresh mug, and then, as he had done the night of that first miserable party, she laces it with a healthy shot of bourbon.

Returning to the sofa, she taps him on the shoulder and holds out the mug. He blinks and looks up at her, and then he wordlessly takes the mug. As he takes a sip, she drops to the sofa, sitting cross-legged, facing him, her blanket still around her shoulders. "Nathaniel? I take it the visit didn't go well?"

He sighs, letting his head fall back on the cushions. "What was your first clue?"

She thumps him lightly on the shoulder. "No sarcasm, please, Mr. I Wake People Up at One in the Morning."

He turns his head, opening his eyes to look at her in the low light. "God, it's one? I didn't realize it was _that _late. I'm sorry, Alicia. I knew I didn't want to go home to an empty apartment. I was just on autopilot."

She can see that he's about to get up to leave. Reaching out, she combs her fingers through his hair, brushing her thumb over his cheek. "It's OK. You know I don't mind. I just fell asleep reading." He nods, closing his eyes again. He doesn't pull away from her hand, so she just leaves it there for now, her thumb continuing to brush his skin. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He covers her hand with his, shaking his head. "Not right now. Maybe later, though." His eyes meet hers, asking her to understand.

She nods, giving him a sympathetic look. "Any time." She flips her hand over, entwining their fingers.

He brings their joined hands to his lips and drops a light kiss on the back of her hand. "Thank you, Alicia. I appreciate it more than you know." She shoots him an unsure smile at that, and he squeezes her hand before releasing it. He clears his throat. "What were you reading?"

She laughs softly and holds up her tattered book. He lifts an eyebrow as he looks at it, and then his eyes land on the title. They widen in surprise. "Is that?"

She smiles a little sheepishly. "My twenty-third birthday present? Yes."

He puts down the tea mug and takes the book from her, turning it over in his hands and examining it. "Alicia, how many times have you read this?"

Shrugging, she replies, "I lost count a long time ago."

He looks thoughtful as he hands it back to her, "You know, I never read that one. Ayani made me read _Pride and Prejudice_, but I never got to that one."

She eyes him, thinking that he looks a little lost, like he just needs someone to take care of him. After a moment, she says, "Boots off."

He gives her a funny look but follows her order. "Now get comfortable." This time, he lifts an eyebrow at her. Clearly deciding to trust her, he puts his feet up on the table and settles back into the sofa.

Still holding her book, she pulls her blanket from her shoulders, unfolding it completely and draping it over both of them. After hesitating for a moment, she curls into his side, tucking the blanket around them. He tenses, but then he relaxes almost immediately.

Resting her head on his shoulder, she opens the book to the first chapter, and she starts to read out loud. "_The family of Dashwood had long been settled in Sussex. Their estate was large, and their residence was at Norland Park, in the centre of their property, where, for many generations, they had lived in so respectable a manner as to engage the general good opinion of their surrounding acquaintance…_"

As she reads to him, his arm snakes out and draws her closer to him. She just keeps going, letting him hug her tight to his side. He doesn't say anything, just listens. Half an hour later, she finally feels his breathing even out as he drops off to sleep. She lowers the book, intending to slip away from him, leaving him to sleep on her sofa.

It's not to be, though. When she attempts to pull away, he unconsciously hugs her tighter, mumbling something that sounds like her name. She sighs and looks up at his face. For the first time in a long time, she realizes that he looks completely peaceful. She doesn't have the heart to disturb him, so she instead sets the book down on the table and just curls into him more.

She knows that it might be a little awkward in the morning, but she decides that she doesn't care. Tonight is suddenly all that matters to her, and she'd be lying if she said that being curled up with him like this doesn't feel really, really nice. Choosing to be brave, she brings her hand up to his chest, flattening it out over his heart. A few minutes later, she follows him into sleep.

**WT**WT**WT**

When Nathaniel wakes up, he has an unfamiliar weight pressed into his side and his arm wrapped tight around whatever is next to him. He also feels oddly well-rested, odd in particular considering that he's not entirely certain as to his own location. Eyes still closed, he's able to sort out that he's on a sofa. A sigh and movement catch his attention, and he opens his eyes and looks down to see a head of unmistakable long black hair.

He leans slightly to the side, and her face becomes visible to him. She's tucked into his side, head on his shoulder and hand on his chest, and she's still sound asleep. He can't help but smile at the picture she presents. With her face relaxed and her hair loose and tousled from sleeping, he is reminded, at twenty-nine, how young she still is.

That alone, the fact that he's eighteen years her senior, should make him hesitant with regard to his feelings for her. It _should_, but it doesn't. He can admit that it might be selfish, that she might be better off with someone closer to her own age, but the thought of her with anyone else makes him crazy.

There are a lot of things that he loves about her, but his favorite things often surface when she lets him see her soft side. He eyes the book on the table. He can't remember the last time someone read aloud to him. Even Ayani never did that – they read to Lucas all the time, but not to each other. He's not sure how she'd known what he needed last night, known that he just needed someone to look after him.

He sighs, his thoughts going to Lucas. The visit was a disaster. Lucas is angry that he isn't allowed to come on the first pilgrimage, as they're now calling them. The decision was, in large part, Nathaniel's. Along with Alicia, Guz and the brass, it was determined that in the interest of safety, only military and security personnel will go on the first pilgrimage. The only science staff coming are military.

Lucas is at the top of the list for the second pilgrimage, but that will only happen if the first is successful. Lucas had taken the news less than gracefully, and their meeting had turned ugly. Nathaniel stayed a few days, trying to get Lucas to talk to him. After one last shouting match, Nathaniel gave up. He headed back here, back to Alicia. She's his family now.

Lucas may forgive him someday, and he knows that the true source of the anger is his mother's death, not the pilgrimages. Nathaniel will always hope for and attempt reconciliation with his son, but for now, that isn't anywhere close to being on the horizon.

He's startled out of his thoughts when Alicia shifts against him. He starts to move his hand when he realizes that, unconsciously, he has twined his fingers into her hair. He looks down in time to see her yawn and open her eyes, her hand leaving his chest to rub at them. Suddenly, she freezes, looking up at him with a wide-eyed expression.

"I'm sorry." She looks chagrined.

He furrows his brow. "What are you sorry for?"

"For _this_." She motions at them with her hand. "I tried to get up, to just let you sleep, but you…wouldn't let me go."

"Then shouldn't I be the one apologizing?" He lifts an eyebrow at her.

She looks confused and tries to sit up, but he won't let her. "Nathaniel."

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Let me up."

"Are you trying to give _me _an order, Lieutenant?" He does his best to give her a stern look.

"_Nathaniel!_"

At that, he can't help but grin, because he's pretty sure that if she was standing, she might've actually stomped her foot at him. Not wanting to push his luck, he loosens his arm. He can't stop his grin as she pulls away, only to be stopped again by his hand in her hair.

The look she gives him is one of pure irritation, but under it, he can see a blend of amusement and embarrassment. He disentangles his hand, combing his fingers through her hair for a moment. "Good morning, Alicia." He finally slides his hand out of her hair, instead smoothing the wild locks away from her face, looping some behind her ear.

Her face softens, and she gives him a small smile. "Good morning, Nathaniel."

They stare at each other for a few moments, and then he clears his throat. He looks at the clock and sees that it's after eight. "I should go home. Do you want to get cleaned up and go grab breakfast in the commissary?"

She nods, but he actually thinks he sees something akin to disappointment in her eyes. "Alicia…"

"That's a good idea. I'm starving." She smiles at him, covering any other emotions up.

"OK." He pushes up off of the sofa and heads for the door.

She follows him, and as he shoulders his pack, she says, "Half an hour?"

"Sounds good." He looks at her for a moment, and then he leans down and kisses her cheek, murmuring, "Thank you," against her skin.

When he draws back, she is wearing a faint blush and looks puzzled. "For what?"

He considers his answer briefly. "For giving a damn about me when no one else does. For sticking with me, staying at my side."

He turns to go and is halfway out the door when her voice stops him. "You don't have to thank me for that, Nathaniel. I'll always give a damn, and at your side is the only place I want to be."

He gets through the door and looks back at her, and she just smiles and says, "See you in thirty," before softly closing the door behind him.

**WT**WT**WT**

Alicia zips up her pack and surveys her apartment. Her boxes are sealed and will be picked up and taken to storage this afternoon. She's dressed in her favorite cargo fatigues, a snug t-shirt and combat boots. She checks her thigh holster, tightening it slightly, and she shrugs into her leather jacket. At the light knock on her door, she calls out, "It's open."

Nathaniel comes in, similarly attired, oversized pack on his shoulder. "Ready to go?"

She grins at him. "As ready as anyone will ever be going several million years into the past."

"Touché." He grins back.

She picks up her pack, slipping the straps over her arms, and they head out, Nathaniel letting her go first and then pulling her door closed behind them. They both slip on their re-breathers as they go outside, and it strikes her that this could be the last time she ever has to wear one of these things. They're all bringing them with them through the portal, just as a precaution, but the hope is that they won't ever be needed again.

A short car ride later, they enter Hope Plaza. She starts looking around for Guz. He spent last night with Tasha and her grandmother, and he's meeting them here. They head up to the level with the portal, not wasting any time.

Once they arrive, Nathaniel motions to her, and she follows him into a small office. She has something for him, so she hopes this will be her chance to give it to him. She's had it since yesterday, but she wanted to wait until right before they leave to give it to him.

Apparently, he had a similar plan. As she closes the door behind them, she hears him unzip his pack. When she turns to him, he's holding out a sheathed knife to her. She takes it from him, examining it closely. It's a small version of a KA-BAR, and it'll fit in her boot easily. She looks up at him, a questioning look on her face. He gives her a small smile. "Thought you might need a new one."

She smiles back. "Thank you." She puts the knife down on the desk in the office, and she digs into the top of her own pack. "This isn't quite as practical," she looks sheepish, "But since we didn't have time to read any more, I thought I'd get you your own copy." She hands him a paperback copy of _Sense and Sensibility_, something she spent the last few days tracking down with every rare book dealer in Chicago.

He laughs quietly as he looks at the old book, and then he slips it into the top of his pack, zipping it up. Before she can put her pack back on, he steps over to her and wraps her up in a tight hug. It surprises her, but after a moment, she hugs him back. "Thank you for taking me on this adventure with you, Nathaniel."

He steps back and regards her, a serious look on his face. "Alicia, if you'd said no, I wouldn't be going. You should know that." She must look surprised, because he offers, "The goal here is to find a better world, but for me, there is no way that any world could be better if you weren't there."

The naked emotion in his face almost takes her breath away, but she knows they'll have time for this on the other side. She just nods and leans up, kissing his cheek. "Safe travels, Nathaniel."

He cups her face in his hand and drops a kiss to her forehead. "Same to you, Alicia."

They leave the office. When they get to the portal room, the portal is open, the bright light flickering in front of them. Guz, who was waiting there, joins them. "Ready, my friends?"

Nathaniel looks at Alicia, and she nods. He grins. "Ready, Guz."

The generals and senators are there, and Nathaniel nods to all of them. He then looks to the lead engineer. "Do we have a go, Doc?"

The engineer seems intent on the readings in front of him, but then he looks up. "Yes, sir. Green light."

Nathaniel looks first at Guz and then at her. "See you two soon."

She can't help herself; she reaches out and squeezes his hand briefly. "Be careful, sir. I'll be right behind you."

"I'm counting on it, Wash." He squeezes her hand back and then releases it, giving her a half-smile and salute before turning and walking through the bright light.

As she is turned away from the portal adjusting her pack, getting ready to follow him, she hears a voice yell, "It's de-stabilizing!"

She spins around just in time to see the portal begin to flicker erratically. Instinctively, she starts to move towards it, but Guz's clamp down on her upper arms. She jerks against him. "Let me go, Guz!"

As she struggles, she's horrified to see the portal get brighter, and then it simply disappears. She turns to the scientists, ignoring the generals and politicians. "What the hell happened?"

The one who appears to be the lead says, "It closed."

She has to restrain herself to keep from strangling the man. "I can God damned well see that it _closed_. But _why _did it close, and how long before it re-opens?" She's starting to feel slightly frantic. "And that second question is the one that matters!"

Apparently able to see that she's about to lose it, the scientist says, "Please, give us a moment, ma'am," and he scurries off.

Standing behind her, Guz murmurs, "Deep breaths, Wash. Philbrick."

She turns to see the general approaching. "What happened, Lieutenant?"

She stands at attention. "They don't know yet, sir."

The general nods. "I'm going to get the politicians out of here. Keep me posted."

She and Guz both salute him, and he nods to them both before leaving. The minute he's gone, Alicia turns back to the place where the portal was, staring at it forlornly. Knowing that Guz is standing right behind her, she whispers, "He's all alone, Isaac."

She feels his hands on her shoulders. "We'll get to him, Alicia."

She nods, willing herself to believe him. "Ma'am?"

Turning, she sees a very nervous-looking scientist standing there. "Doctor?"

"Ma'am, we're still working on the why, but we're pretty sure about the when it will open next." The scientist fidgets nervously as the lead scientist joins them.

The lead scientist adds, "We think it will open at the next expected time. That's in three-and-a-half or four…" He hesitates, appearing to be reluctant to continue.

"Three-and-a-half or four what? Minutes? Hours? Days?" Her voice rises on the last word.

The lead scientist shakes his head. "Months. I'm sorry, ma'am."

She blinks in shock, hoping she heard him incorrectly. She tries to respond, but suddenly, she can't quite find her voice. Guz seems to pick up on it, because he says softly, "You're sure of that, Doc?"

The scientist nods, a sympathetic look on his face. "Yes, I'm afraid so."

Alicia's voice returns, though it's barely a whisper. "He's going to be there alone for four months?"

The first scientist blurts out, "Assuming he made it before the portal collapsed."

Alicia looks at him in alarm just as the lead scientist actually slaps him in the back of the head. Cutting off their questions, he says, "I'm sorry, ma'am. Doctor Westin knows better than to speculate. We have absolutely no reason to believe that the commander didn't make it through safely."

She just stares at the scientists, and she feels a near white-hot panic coursing through her. Alone, for four month, _if _he made it at all. She starts to blink rapidly, her breathing going shallow.

Guz obviously recognizes that she's in distress, because he says, "Doctor, we need the room for a few minutes. Now."

The scientist mumbles another apology, and a moment later, she can hear the scientists all murmuring as they leave. The moment she hears the door close behind them, her strength gives out. She sinks to her knees, still staring at the place where the portal was.

Almost immediately, Guz crouches down next to her, his hand on her shoulder. "Wash?"

"Four months, Guz. He's going to be alone there for _four months_." Her voice is still barely a whisper. She refuses to even consider the possibility that he didn't make it.

He squeezes her shoulder. "Alicia, Nathaniel Taylor is the toughest, most resourceful son of a bitch I've ever known. He'll be OK. Four months from now, we'll follow him there, and he'll be waiting for us. I know it."

She's silent for a moment, trying to get her emotions under control. Eventually, she takes a deep breath and says decisively, her voice more normal now, "He'll be waiting."

One hundred and twelve days later, Alicia is starting to lose her mind. Once they convinced the military leadership that they just needed to consider this to be a timing change and nothing else, all she and Guz have been able to do is keep the crew's physical training up to par, and to run additional trainings on the flora and fauna they'll encounter in the past.

Yesterday, they sent all the troops on leave, giving them a chance to see their families or take some R & R time prior to their departure. After Alicia spent time convincing him that she'd be fine on her own, Guz went to spend a little time with Tasha.

She's now running on a treadmill in their gym, as it allows her to work out and let her mind wander. As she runs, she thinks about one of the most seriously unpleasant moments of the last few months, when she went to visit Lucas to tell him what happened. It had been a complete disaster. When she told him that Nathaniel was trapped alone in the past, he had actually laughed about it.

Things had just deteriorated from there. It ended with Lucas telling her that Nathaniel deserved to die alone, and her telling him that Ayani would be ashamed of him and storming out. It kills her to think that the bitter, angry man-child she saw is the same person as the bright, curious child she first met ten years ago.

She slows her pace, preparing to cool down from her run. When she does, she notices a soldier standing by the benches, waiting for her to finish. Looking at him for a moment, she suddenly realizes who he is. She stops the treadmill and steps off of it, walking over to where the young man is standing at attention.

She grabs her towel and dries her face before throwing over her shoulder. "Corporal, what can I do for you?"

"Ma'am, I came to apologize, and it's private again." The young man is the smug corporal from their first group of potential recruits.

She arches an eyebrow. "What happened, Private?"

"Ma'am, I got into a bar fight, put a few people in the hospital, myself included. That got me a ticket back to private, as my C.O. likes to say. And it was well-deserved, ma'am. I was out of control." He's still standing at attention.

She observes him. "At ease, Private."

He goes to parade rest. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?" At her nod, he goes on, "I was an arrogant piece of crap, ma'am. I deserved the ass-kicking I got, and I definitely deserved to get turfed by the commander. But I'm asking to get back in."

She grabs her water and takes a drink. "Why do you want to join us, Private?"

"Because I believe in the mission, ma'am. And I read your jacket and the commander's. You're the kind of soldiers I want to be. I know the first pilgrimage is full, but I'm willing to wait."

She eyes him critically. "I'll take your request under advisement, Private Curran. Dismissed."

He nods and turns to go. "Ma'am?"

She looks up at him, "Yes, Private?"

"I was sorry to hear about what happened. I hope the commander is OK."

She gives him a game smile. "I hope so too, Private. Thank you." She shakes her head as she watches him go.

Four days later, one hundred and sixteen days after Nathaniel disappeared through the portal, Alicia is haunting Hope Plaza, bird-dogging the scientists and basically being a giant pain in the ass. Pretty much all of the scientists are afraid of her by now, and most of them bolt when she walks in.

Guz has been getting the troops together and ready to go, leaving her with nothing to do but wait and worry. She's about to pack up and head over to Hope Plaza for her daily round of Intimidate the Scientist when she hears a noise. She looks up to see Guz enter the office. "Do you mind if I come with you today? I want to report in to the brass, let them know we're ready to go whenever the portal re-opens."

"Definitely don't mind. I think they're close, Guz. Are you packed?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She rolls her eyes at him, and they exit the building in silence, jumping into a nearby car to catch a ride to Hope Plaza. She knows that he is sarcastic and occasionally silly with her to help her keep her mind off of Nathaniel. It has actually helped some during the days, but most nights, she sits on her sofa wrapped in her blanket, reading and re-reading _Sense and Sensibility_.

She knows it's slightly ridiculous, but it somehow makes her feel closer to him. She usually reads late into the night, waking in the morning with her book in her lap and, more often than not, a crick in her neck. The book, during the day, is tucked safely in her pack, now resting near the other two books she's bringing, the books from Ayani.

They get to Hope Plaza, and as they wait for the elevator, she looks up at Guz. "Guz?" He lifts a questioning eyebrow at her, and she goes on, "Thank you. I know you've been trying to keep me distracted, and I appreciate it."

They step onto the elevator, and he wraps an arm around her shoulders. "You're welcome. But I did it for myself too, you know."

She smiles at him. "How so?"

"I figure Taylor would have my ass on a platter if I let you go nuts. It was pure self-preservation." He smiles back.

The elevator stops on the floor he needs. He starts to step out, but then he holds a hand up to keep the door open. "Go up there and give them hell, Wash. I'm ready to get out of here."

She grins at that. "Will do, Guz. Come find me when you're done. I'll be the one making grown scientists cry."

"Have fun storming the castle, Lieutenant." As the doors slide shut, she can't help but laugh at Guz's reference to an old, old movie, one from the late twentieth century.

Getting to the floor where the scientists and engineers are working, Alicia gets her best menacing expression on her face. As she waits for the doors to open, she mutters, "We're coming soon, Nathaniel. I swear to God we are."


End file.
